Till the Bitter End
by d.t.101
Summary: A lover on the sly, it was the biggest secret Meredith thought she'd have in her life but something goes wrong. An accident, a slip of the mind, an improperly mixed contraceptive tea. The relationship from the first night until the very end. Or is it really the end? New title and summary on a suggestion. Side stories coming soon
1. Prologue

"Commander, this is the enchanter you asked for." a messenger said from the entrance of Cullens office. Cullen glanced up and saw a tall blonde girl no older then seventeen.

"Um, hello. I'm Vika." she said walking towards his desk. He gestured for her to sit down as he finished reading the paper in front of him. He finished and looked up at the girl.

"Makers breath"

"What is something wrong?" the girl sputtered and began mussing with her fancy clothes.

"No, nothing is wrong with you, you just look strikingly like someone I knew. I heard that Ilya was Riviani was I mistaken because you certainly don't look it."

"I'm adopted." she said," My mother is Rivaini, I was born in the Free Marches. Ostwick . Same as the Inquisitor."

"Yes of course. Now I sent for you because we need a constant supply of enchanted clothing and amulets and the like. We're having an influx of new recruits coming to join, after the war has been won of course."

"I would've been here sooner but my mother wouldn't allow me to come. Too young she said." Cullen smiled

"We will set you up with somewhere to work in the fortress."

"The tavern works for me."

"You might not want to be around the Bull's Chargers they get ... very rambunctious."

"I can handle myself"

Cullen stopped by the tavern a week later and saw Vika sitting at a table in the corner of the tavern enchanting amulets. He waved at her but she didn't see him. He saw a rather intoxicated Charger stumble towards her.

"Hey blondie come have a drink with me" He insisted but she ignored him.

"Awe c'mon babe just one little drink." he struck the table and her beads tipped and fell all over the floor.

Cullen saw her stand up grab the drunk mercenary and slam him up against the wall.

"I am fucking done with you. Bother me again and I'll burn out our eyes." she growled making fire jump from the tips of finger.

"Yes blondie, of course." he slurred and scurried away. Vika sighed loudly and used her magic to gather all the beads into a cloud and lower them back into their small wooden box.

Cullen paused and thought about a rumour he heard years ago. He had dismissed it as drunken ramblings of a ex-Templar but here was this girl with the face and the temper.

Surely it must be a coincidence.

Besides this girl was a mage .

I'm finally getting around to finishing and posting this monster. I literally started writing this in 2013 and I've edited and rewritten in a least 3 times but I've have finally come up with an ending and decided to post it. Expect updates pretty sporadically I don't get a lot of time in the evening to write.


	2. Chapter 1

The Chant of Light could be heard from all corners of the Chantry on that day. The sunbeams poured through the stained glass windows. The colourful beams covered the spectators as the Grand Cleric gave her sermon. Several Senior Enchanters stood in line at the front of the spectators. One enchanter in particular was stealing glances at the woman kneeling in front of them.

Her golden hair shone in the blue beam that was cast on her. He thought she looked like a piece of the sky itself. She raised her face and her sky blue eyes too shone. His eyes met hers and she gave him the slightest smile. He quickly adverted his gaze and he felt a fluttering in his stomach.

"Stand now, Meredith Stannard, as the Knight Commander of Kirkwall." Elthina announced as she lay the golden tiara of Andraste on the young woman's head. She stood and placed her hand on her chest looking at the stone statue of Andraste behind the procession. She stole another quick glance to the elf perched to the left. His green robes were flawless and his coal black hair was brushed back off his forehead. She felt a knot in her stomach and turned back to Andraste praying silently that The Maker would forgive her for the feelings that had began to form between her and the Senior Enchanter.

That night after the celebrations started to die down, Meredith took the opportunity to slip away upstairs to her quarters. She was halfway up the stairs when she heard someone call her name.

"Meredith." she prepared to give her first scolding as Knight Commander, when she saw the familiar dark haired head poke around the corner.

"Orsino." she responded curtly.

"There you are. I was looking around for you all evening."

"For what purpose?"

"I have a bottle of wine, would you like to share it?" she paused and looked into his warm green eyes.

"Yes, come in." she reluctantly let Orsino in to her new quarters.

"Guylain never kept this place as nice." he said sitting down at the table in the sitting room.

"You entertained Guylain as well?"

"On occasion we would have a whiskey and have a chat. I hope you'll be willing to continue the tradition."

"Sure." she smiled. He popped the cork and poured up a glass for each of them.

"When I first saw you years I knew you'd make something out of yourself." she felt her cheeks burn.

They drained glass after glass finishing the wine and moving on to a brandy Meredith had found in a cupboard. After emptying is fifth glass he slammed into the table.

"You my dear, have been promoted to the ultimate chain holder and yet I am somewhat proud. I'd like you to yank my chain any day."

"Excuse me?" intoxication flushed Meredith's cheeks "Chain holder? You make it seem like I am a slaver not a protector of the Chantry."

"Well the comparison is there." he smiled.

"Watch your mouth." she snapped grabbing his wrist tightly.

"Touch a nerve?" her face turned red as she lessened her grip on his wrist and slipped her hand around his. He stared at the table them looked deeply in eyes and Meredith saw something she never saw before. Her heart skipped a beat. He grabbed her collar and kissed her passionately. She gasped when he broke the lip lock, she was mortified.

"Maker's breath, what are you thinking?"

"I'm not thinking of anything but you." He rasped tracing her jaw with his slender finger. Her heart pounded and his touch seemed like sparks on her skin.

She closed the distance between them tasting the sweet wine on his lips. She ran his fingers through his hair as his hands explored her body. First her breasts and down to her hips.

She began undoing the fastening on his shirt her heart pounding so hard in her ears she was nearly deafened. He began to guide her towards the bed slipping his hands into the folds of her robe. She felt the mattress hit the back of her legs and she pulled him into the bed on top of her.

"Are you sure about this?" he whispered as he slipped off his small clothes.

"Shut up." she snapped as she flipped him over pinning his slender frame beneath her.

She stretched herself across him allowing him to rake his hands across her back undoing her breast band. His cock twitched against her belly as she kissed his neck. She rubbed her thigh along his erection as he moaned.

"Please" he whispered and she leaned forward and lowered herself onto to him exhaling deeply as he filled her. She started rocking slowly and he grabbed her hips and he began matching her movements, slowly at first and then faster and harder. He slowly sat up as she dug her nails into his shoulder blades. She moaned and ground her teeth as she got closer to her climax. Meredith shoved him flat on his back and gave her a deep dry kiss as she felt herself tighten and grab his cock.

He snorted and clawed her hips as she felt his seed spill inside her. She slid off him quickly and collapsed next to him panting as her orgasm racked her body. She heard him rasping to catch his breath as he lay a sweaty clammy hand on the small of her back.

"Your first night as Knight Commander and you've already began a steamy affair suitable for your new status." he rasped.

"And my first order as Knight Commander is that you will never ever speak of this to a single soul."

"Oh I won't trust me, besides who would believe me anyway?"

They lay in silence for a while until he started snoring lightly. She rolled from her stomach to her side her silk sheets slinging to her still sweaty body, covering her nakedness.

What had she done? She began cursing herself.

"Maker forgive me I have lain with a poor cursed soul." She whispered in prayer.

Not even an hour ago he was just a friend, it wasn't sinful to befriend a mage but he wasn't just a friend anymore.


	3. Chapter 2

Meredith promised herself that it wouldn't happen again, but her body betrayed her. She was a woman with needs and Orsino was a man ready and willing to see to those needs. Be it on her four poster bed or when they were feeling risky in her locked office on the desk.

Every time he had that smug smile on his face and every time he would curl into her back peppering her with delicate kisses. Every time she prayed to The Maker for forgiveness.

"I have learned nothing from my errs. I continue to repeat them." she said aloud one night when the elf was latched to her erect nipple and was stroking her clit lightly through her small clothes.

"I'm glad you keep repeating." he said from between her breasts.

"I wasn't talking to you."

"Well, if you're going to talk to The Maker I can go and leave you two alone." he said with a wicked grin. That grin it was her weakness it cracked the side of his face and had the tiniest little dimple that she hadn't seen before they started their affair. It was so sexy.

"No, stay." she sighed She lunged forward kissing him roughly nipping his lip, drawing a small bead of blood.

"Hey." he said with a scowl.

"Are you going to complain or are you going to do something about it?" His eyes lit up she pinched the taught skin above his hip and he hissed swatting her hand away. He dropped himself into her torso heavily winding her slightly. She looked down her body and her eyes met his vivid green ones. They had a mischievous fire in them. He drew his nails up her side before digging them into her outer arms.

"Is that all?" he scoffed and dug his teeth into her breast. She flinched and slid her fingers down his short pants hooking her nails into the soft supple flesh of his buttocks.

"Get those pants off!" she snapped. Unable to pull of his shorts herself. He stood and yanked them off quickly and yanked off her small clothes as well. She went to flip him underneath her when he pushed her back on the mattress and pushed her legs up. He thrust into her hard. She gasped from the sudden intrusion but quickly wrapped her legs around his hips. He pounded her hard with every thrust she gasped a moaning building in her throat. Orsino was rather silent except for his heavy breathing. He had his eyes firmly shut and she could see sweat starting to bead on his forehead.

She tore at the flesh of his shoulder blades as she felt the heat and the tightening inside her womb. He exhaled loudly with a rumble in his throat as she her insides grabbed him tightly. He continued to pump in and out slowly as he tried to catch his breath. He held his breath cheeks puffing up until he came exhaling deeply as he slipped out and lay down on her chest resting his cheek on her breast.

"Meredith." he rasped exhausted

"Orsino."

"I..." he paused and continued panting." I think.. I think I'm in love with you."

She was speechless. They had been involved sexually for nearly four years and not once had they ever brought since feelings.

This mage loved her? She shuddered, goose flesh prickling her upper body, A nagging knot in her stomach scared her. Did she love him too? She knew she shouldn't. She shouldn't do a lot of things but here she was.

Another year slipped by.

Her loyal subordinates built her confidence and her confidence built her power. More and more recruits joined her Holy army and she flashed sincere smiles when handing the young men and women their sun shields. The Maker was being so kind to her her. Rewarding her for her loyalty.

"He must be turning a blind eye to you." she whispered to Orsino one night as she cuddled into his thin chest.

"Oh? Since when does The Maker turn a blind eye to anything Meredith?"

"I haven't been punished."

"What do you think He will do? Strike you down with lightning? He wouldn't punish your for something so wonderful." he wrapped his arms around her and tucked her curly blonde head under his chin.

I love you so much you know, The Maker wants his children to love." she remained silent a hard lump in her throat. "He wants us to be happy."

Sorry this one is so short I might have another out tonight or tomorrow . My husband is going to bed early so I can write with him passed out next to me


	4. Chapter 3

Something had gone wrong. Meredith locked her quarters door and began her now nightly routine, pacing the dark hallways of the Gallows. Her mind wouldn't let her rest.

It all started after a trip to Cumberland with Orsino. They went on business but made the most of it as anyone would.

It had been nearly four months since they returned and since then she threw herself into her work which included some information of the ring of blood mage Tevinter's kidnapping elves across the Free Marches. She had tracked them to a small hamlet several days from Kirkwall and she had assembled a small team of Templar Knights to accompany her on the mission which left the next morning. She was nervous but it wasn't the primary source of her anxiety. The churning in her stomach reminded her and her heart started to pound while her breath quickened. She paused and sat on the top of a shadowy staircase trying to calm herself. Her stomach continued churning in protest.

She had missed a cycle upon her return from Nevarra. It didn't concern her at first it happened occasionally they said lyrium can do that to a woman. She blamed her near constant nausea on the lyrium as well, but the nausea continued and worsened. Her back started hurt and her breasts became swollen and sore. She missed three more cycles and she wasn't scared, she was mortified. So naturally she did what she thought would make it better, ignoring it. But unfortunately it was something she could not ignore.

The next morning she strapped on her armour and it was taught across her stomach. Orsino caught her on the stairs as she was leaving for the docks.

"Meredith," he rasped trying to catch his breath after dashing up the stairs. "Are you sure you want to go yourself. It's so dangerous and you haven't been well."

"I will be fine, I am the Knight Commander for a reason Senior Enchanter." she said briskly. He looked around making sure there was no prying eyes and he kissed her quickly and lightly.

"Good luck, be well, be careful. I don't know what I would do if anything were o happen to you." she turned and started down the staircase. "I love you." he whispered but Meredith didn't look back.

Meredith and her men pursued the slavers quickly and quietly slaughtering the lot, freeing a few dozen elves. They escorted the newly freed individuals to Ansburg where they would join caravans returning them to their homes.

They meandered through a lush forest. Meredith was perched upon a steed holding the reigns tightly as the contents of her stomach sloshed around in her squished abdomen.

"Knight Commander are you well? You are white as a sheet." a middle aged elven woman marching along side her asked.

"I am not feeling the greatest but I assure you I will deliver you safely." The words barely rolled of her tongue when she heard the familiar whoosh of and arrow being loosed. She flung out her left arm as a reflex to protect the woman and the red fletched arrow found a hole in her armour going through her forearm. She made a strained yelp before screaming.

" Bandits!"

Three or four more arrows were fired, none making their targets. She deduced it was a group of common thugs. She looked over to her young Knight-Corporal who had pulled her bow and had knocked an arrow. Another loose arrow was launched in panic striking the Corporals plate and bouncing off not even nicking the silverite.

"Amateurs." she scoffed as she loosed her own arrow. Meredith heard a grotesque thunk as it made its target. The hidden bowman dropped from the tree where he was hiding with an arrow between his eyes .

"There's more of you, will you surrender of shall we kill you too?" Meredith shouted harshly through the throbbing pain in her arm. A masked man burst through the bushes behind her. He had a mace raised and he was screaming like a madman.

She drew her sword and impaled him through the stomach before he could even start swinging .

"That's two now there's not that many of you." Knight-Corporal Risa loosed another arrow and another ruffian fell. He was still alive as he flailed to the forest floor but he landed driving the arrow in his back through into his heart. He made a gurgling noise as blood poured from his chest and mouth. He started jerking wildly until he stopped, dead.

"That's three. We are in no real hurry." she heard a set of foot steps running away from the group.

"Will you join your cowardly friend?"

"Shut up you fucking bitch." a massive man said from his position just feet above Meredith's head. "I don't like cunts who demand things of me." he growled. She heard Risa's bow tighten but he dropped from the branch quickly, arrow missing him by centimetres. Meredith took a swing at him with her blade but he blocked with a wooden targ attached to his beefy tattooed arm. Her heart skipped a beat when she realized her blade was stuck. He was basically on top of her. She stepped backwards wounded arm out reflexively covering the elven woman. He was so close Meredith could smell the stink off him and it a mere second she retched the arrow out of her arm and lunged at the bandit jabbing him directly in his eye.

"You cunt!" he roared flailing his arms wildly flinging her sword to the ground. She grabbed the hilt quickly swung and lopped the thugs head off in one swing.

The forest was silent for a moment, the sounds of several pairs of boots running away broke the silence. Risa loosed several arrows ending the escape with wet sickening thunks.

"Anybody else care to try and attack me or have you all run away like the cowards you are." Meredith shouted.

"I think they're gone Commander." Risa hissed after a minute of silence.

"Keep an eye and an ear out, just in case."

They continued through the forest.

"Ser?" the elven woman nearly whispered to Meredith.

"Yes?"

"You saved my life."

"It is my duty think nothing of it."

"Allow me to bandage your wound, it is the least I could do."

"No. Thank you." she said cringing from a pulse of pain going through her arm. Her nausea also took the moment to come back in full force. She didn't think she could handle looking at the mess her arm was in.

"At least sling it up, it'll lessen the bleeding." Meredith sighed and allowed the woman to wrap a shawl around her arm and neck.

They exited the forest and a village could be seen less then a mile away with the road that would lead them to Ansburg. She was bleeding heavily it was leaking through her chain mail onto her plate whenever the throbbing limp limb smacked against her chest. Her vision was blurring as the bile rose in her throat, the smell of the blood was sickening. She looked down in a sick curiosity and saw a string of congealed blood roped between her stomach and wrist. That was the last straw. She leaned over the horse and vomited up bitter bile. Huge dark spots clouded her vision as she vomited again. Her vision was nothing but a few glints of green as she felt her already pathetic grip on the reigns slip from her fingers. She just prayed that one of her Templar's would catch her before she hit the ground.

"Meredith?" she heard Risa's voice from what seemed like mile away. "Commander?" She opened her eyes to find Risa's childish face looking over her. The girls dark eyes tired and full of worry,

"Hera, she's awake." Meredith grabbed onto Risa's arm and pulled herself up. They had taken her armour off and cut the sleeve of her under tunic to bandage the wound.

"Ah yes." a severe looking middle aged woman entered the room. "Risa was it? Could you leave the Knight Commander and I alone for a moment."

"Oh, of course I'll be in the other room." it felt like a ball of ice splashed into Meredith's gut.

"Meredith? Is it not" Meredith nodded. As the woman took the girls seat next to the lumpy straw bed. "You should not have gone through the woods in your condition." Meredith stared blankly. "Do you not know? Ser, you are with child."

"No, its not possible. I can't be." she said emotionless. She could hear her heart pounding loudly in her ears.

"You're a grown woman you should know better that. There is always a chance."

"The tea, it always worked. Its worked for years." she said thinking of the bitter contraceptive tea she took diligently after every night of passion.

"The Maker decides that some children are meant to be."

"Can you make me whorehouse tea?"

"It's too late you've quickened it would be your own life at risk."

"I... I can't have this child," she hissed clutching her stomach digging her nails into the flesh caging the fetus within her. She felt her nails pierce the skin as the thundering of her heart drowned out her thoughts. It's my pride or my death she realized. She knew very well what the woman said about whorehouse tea was true. She had found a young female mage dead in her bed after taking it too far into her pregnancy. But to give birth to the child, this son or daughter sired by a mage of all people. It was a forbidden union that could never be legitimized making the infant not only an abomination of nature but a bastard as well. Meredith hung her head and shook it in frustration.

"You're unmarried, the father must be some kind of societal reject. An elf, a prostitute. That or you're a slut." Meredith was aghast.

"I am Knight Commander, how dare you throw such accusations around." she sputtered in rage,

"Accusations?" the woman snapped, "You're pregnant and clearly unwed. If you were a girl your ignorance would be acceptable, but you are not a child. Accept your responsibilities. You've made your bed now lie in it."

Meredith couldn't think of a comeback . She was utterly speechless. She dropped back down to the feather pillow and turned away from the woman childishly. Her arm throbbed and she felt a fluttering deep within her. The baby decided to take this moment to let himself be known.

The woman left the room and Risa came back in.

"Meredith are you well I heard shouting?"

"I am fine."she paused "I have pneumonia." she lied quickly. "You will lead the group to Ansburg and see they are all safely aboard the caravan." She paused again.

"I will stay here until I recuperate I suspect I may be a month or so. Until my return you and Garin will be in charge."

"Yes ser"

"I'm going to get a room in an inn. I can't stand to be here any longer." Risa shuffled across the room gathering Meredith's plate mail.

"Did you need a hand getting up?"

"I am ill, not crippled." she grumbled slipping on her boots. She stood and was hit with a wave of dizziness but the nausea didn't return. She caught herself on the bedside table. Risa extended a hand and Meredith begrudgingly grasped her wrist stiffly as black spots invaded her vision. They shuffled to an inn down the road. When they arrived Meredith scrawled out a couple letters when she got into her room.

"This is for the Grand Cleric." she said writing Elthina on the front. "This one for Maceron and this one for Garin." she stared at a black piece of paper. Should she write Orsino? She couldn't exactly write, I'm halfway across the country injured, violently ill , and pregnant with your child. Who knows who would read it. She didn't want to have that discussion when she returned to the Gallows anyway.

"Meredith? Are you alright?" Risa broke the silence.

"I'm just a little dizzy."

"No love letters for your Senior Enchanter friend?" Risa said in jest.

"Don't mention such foolishness." she scolded.

"But why?" Orsino interrupted the girl who informed him that Meredith didn't return with them.

"She is very ill. She was vomiting and fainting and she was much more melancholy then usual. She got shot with an arrow and it festered. It was a rather unfortunate turn of events."

"What's really going on?" Risa sighed. "She was ill when we left."

"Tell me something I don't know."

"The healer banished me from the room and they got into a loud spat and I heard something about taking responsibility." The girls brown eyes widened. "You don't think she's pregnant do you?"

"What? No couldn't possibly be."

"Well ," the girl raised a brow wryly. "I'm pretty sure she has a secret man."

"How do you know?"

"I went to call on her on her birthday and she answered the door in nothing but a robe looking rather frazzled with her sleeping room door closed. I didn't have to see I knew she had a man hidden back there."

Orsino's heart was beating so loudly he feared Risa would hear it. He remembered that night hiding behind the door naked not making a peep. But that wasn't what the Knight said that got his pulse up. Was she pregnant? She clearly wasn't able to tell him via message he knew it could be intercepted. They hadn't laid together since that night in the Nevarran Mountains. If that had been when they conceived she must have to carry the child to term.

Risa slipped out of his quarters bidding goodbye and he closed the door. He threw himself into his desk chair and slouched over. He wanted to see her but he knew Garin wouldn't let him leave under any circumstances. She was up there all alone sick, in pain, and possibly pregnant.

Meredith lay on a feather mattress in her room in the village inn. The fingers on her left hand jerked involuntarily. A terrible infection racked her body. She sweated heavily as she rubbed the bandages over her wound painfully trying to itch the abscess. She stopped rubbing when it started to swell even more turning her hand a gross purple colour. She tossed the sheets off her and stumbled to the water closet. She twisted the knob, cold water splashing her in the face.

She stripped off her clothes and sat in the cold water sighing from the relief from the fever. She rubbed her fingers across her arms as her body became covered in goose flesh. She ran her hands down her body placing an open palm into the tiniest of bumps that had began to form on her lower abdomen. She tapped her fingers on her stomach and the baby fluttered inside. She went to sleep but woke up a few hours later and stumbled shamefully back to the healers hut.

"You never should've left." Hera scolded." It's gone and festered." Meredith took one look at her wound after Hera unwrapped the damp bandage. Green pus oozed from the exit wound. The skin was so swollen there was a sheen to her skin. She could see a red fletched feather poking out of the wound.

"Here." Hera handed Meredith a rag "Bite on this I'm going to pull pout that feather and drain the infection." Meredith took the rag and stuffed it in between her teeth. Hera took a small dagger and poked the edge of the wound breaking the skin and letting infection flow. Meredith nearly screaming as she pressed down forcing out the pus. She couldn't look anymore. She grunted as she made another incision, then another.

"Just cut the fucking thing off." she swore.

"You're strong you can handle it." The squeezing stopped and she began to pull out the feather. She felt that every little fibre of the feather pulled on a nerve . She didn't remember blacking out but it was probably due to holding her breath.

When she awoke she was back in the lumpy bed with a poultice dabbed generously over crude black stitches.

"You can stay here until your over your 'pneumonia' " Hera grumbled. "Why did you lie to that girl?"

"She is a gabby drunk and the last thing I need getting out is this." She gestured to her belly.

"The father is a mage." she muttered. Hera raised her brow. "I knew you were going to ask. I thought I'd just put it out there."

"I thought it'd be something like that. If it was someone you could marry you seem the type to have a knob stick wedding."

"I hate that term."

Meredith began to frantically brain storm. She couldn't ride back into the Gallows with a swollen belly and give birth to an illegitimate child that knowing her luck would be the spitting image of that Senior Enchanter she was rather close with. She was a woman of The Maker such a thing would cause a massive scandal.

"Do you know a place where a bastard could be tucked away from prying eyes and away from danger?"

"Say your going to Amaranthine to recover. Clean sea air, no stress. Then go to some town where no one knows who you are and give the child to the Chantry." she said as if it was a common occurrence "Maybe your lover could go with you."

Meredith scoffed.

"Like the Void" She didn't even want to tell him period. Let alone bring him along to dote excessively on her, see her through the birth, and get attached to child he always wanted but could never have.

He told her he had always wanted to be a father. He lamented it was one of the things he couldn't experience. He enjoyed his woman in his youth. He was highly educated and he made a fair amount of coin plying his wares. Such freedom granted under Guylain. She personally saw to tightening up the rules on interpersonal relationships. The irony killed her.

 **I wrote this all out in one document so I wasnt sure where to end this chapter so here should be good.**

 **Did you know knob stick weddings were the precursor to the modern shot gun wedding. the more you knowww**


	5. Chapter 4

Meredith rode in a carriage home from the small village. She kept a hand firm over her belly, a developing reflex. She felt a strange elation whenever the baby moved. She tapped on her stomach and there was a little flutter.

"My tough little bug." she whispered.

"Garin, Makers breath what are you doing?" Knight Captain Garin was a short stock man with graying blonde hair and a plain clean shaven face. He however was looking less then attractive sitting at her desk wearing his robe like a tunic without armour on, with a pastry in one hand and a bottle of wine in the other.

"Oh, Knight Commander, I wasn't expecting you back so soon." The fool had whined and complained that she was chosen to be Commander over him despite his seniority. He was told time and again that an apathetic and lazy captain doesn't a leader make. "I was just taking a break from paperwork."

"Get lost," she snapped swatting at him "You are the last person I want to see right now."

She visited the Grand Cleric the night of her return with a burden of guilt on her shoulders. The Cleric was usually the only person she would allow to embrace her publicly but she backed away from her touch and shuffled back to her quarters.

She returned to her quarters and on her sitting room table was a small wrapped box, with O scribbled on it. She picked it up and shook it quickly putting it down when she heard a knock and voices outside her door.

"Meredith!" Risa exclaimed "I missed you!" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Are you still sick Commander?" another one of the Knights asked.

"I'm am not over my pneumonia."

"At least you didn't waste away." the other pointed at her belly. She instinctively covered her stomach." It's easier to recover if you have some weight on."

"Why are you here?" Meredith grumbled

"To invite you out." Risa said smiling.

"What's the occasion?"

"Your fourth anniversary as Knight Commander, did you forget?"

"I did actually, I've had more important things on my mind." She thought of Orsino this was the anniversary of their first night together "I am still not well so I will be spending the night in my quarters alone."

"Get well soon, ser." They said and left her alone.

Meredith took a bottle of wine off the rack and popped the cork. She squished half a glass back and paused staring at the tiny fire in her hearth. Another knock came from the door.

"Risa, I told you already."

"Meredith" the timbre of his voice was music to her ears.

"One moment." She unbolted the door. He stood at the entrance holding a basket full of pastries. He looked terrible quite frankly. He had been going grey for several years and his hair was starting to recede but in the month they had been apart he seemed to have aged a decade. The bags under his eyes cast their own shadows and lines of worry marred his forehead. He slipped in laying the basket on the table after closing the door.

"My love" he rasped pulling her into an awkward embrace. Her arms remained glued to her sides as he held her to his collar. He ran his hands along her sides. He seemed rather suspicious."My love" he repeated."I missed you more then I thought possible. This was the longest we've been apart in.."

"Four years." she finished his sentence.

"Four years, I can't believe it's gone by so quickly." She slipped from his grasp and sat in her comfy chair. He joined her and started babbling on about the new apprentices that had arrived. Her eyes following every movement of his lips and she traced the line of his jaw with her eyes. She was suddenly so aroused.

"Did you want to go to bed?" she interrupted.

"Are you well enough." he asked concerned.

"Yes." She grabbed him and pulled him to the bed. She lay underneath him as he gave her a puzzled look before he started undoing the buttons on her shirt as she undid his. His fingers brushed along her ribs and she shuddered as she sipped off her shirt.

"You're excited tonight."

"Maybe I am, is that a problem?"

"No." he whispered slipping off his small clothes. His length pressed on her stomach as he rolled a nipple between his tongue and teeth. Her toes curled as she begged for more. He slipped off her smalls and slowly slid into her. It felt different then usual, it was tighter. It almost felt as if she was a virgin once again. How ironic she thought. He pumped slowly feeling all over her skin with his thin fingers. She reached up and kissed his dry lips, knitting her fingers in is hair. He continued to grind slowly which before would have her reeling but tonight she was just uncomfortable.

"Have you finished?" he asked.

"Yes." she lied and he quickened his pace until he finished inside her. He dropped his tired body next to her. He rested his head on her shoulder and traced circles across her body with his finger tips. Her heart pounded as he stopped on her stomach.

"Did you open my present?" he asked looping his finger around her belly button.

"No." he sighed and placed his palm on her stomach. He didn't tap but she felt it flutter. She swore he felt it. Mortified she held her breath waiting for his reaction.

"Meredith" he started. Her heart skipped a beat." Would you ever..." he sighed and paused. "Would you ever consider...marrying me?" She stopped dead. "Marry me, leave with me, be with me." She snapped her head to face him.

"What?! Why would you ever suggest something so asinine? Me, leave this position I have dedicated my entire life to? For what a fancy of yours." He said nothing but placed his hand back on her stomach.

"Leave." She snapped.

"No!" he said stubbornly. She didn't want to talk about the baby. Not then, not ever.

"Leave!" she shrieked and he jumped from the outburst, slipped out of the bed , into his robes, and out of her quarters without another world.

She dressed and walked back to her living area and picked up the box from the table. She tore off the paper and opened the wooden box suspecting what may be in the box.

It was a ring. Of course it was. It wasn't a diamond but a bright red ruby, her favourite colour.

"That fool" She muttered. Wasting someone's time and what little coin he had. She slipped it onto her finger and it fit perfectly. She held out her hand admiring it briefly before yanking it off and childishly tossed it to the floor. "That fool." she muttered again feeling a tug at her heart.

He was a mage she scolded herself for the thousandth time. It could happen again, she thought closing her eyes and picturing the abomination that was her sister.

Now she was carrying a mages child. What if they had the curse too? She shuddered and trying to think of something else.

 **Sorry this one is rather short it was hard trying to figure out where to split it but the next one is going to be a fair bit longer**


	6. Chapter 5

Meredith was at her patience end by the time First Enchanter Macron finally took her orders and left to his office. Risa was waiting at her office door.

"When will you be back?" she asked as she directed a young knight to take Meredith's trunk down the stairs to the entrance of the Gallows.

"Five months maybe? Possibly six."

"Five months?" Orsino sputtered from the hall. He had sneaked up behind after Macaron.

"It is none of your concern Senior Enchanter. I left orders to Knight Captain Garin and First Enchanter Macron. Unless Macron drops dead and for some reason he named you his successor this will not concern you." her voice was full of poison. He hadn't spoken a word to her since she shooed him away nearly a month prior. He glared at her midsection under her oversized travelling cloak.

Her belly had started show more over the past few weeks. Angry red stretch marks started to claw up her stomach. The baby fluttered more then ever letting her know that they were strong. It rolled and rolled on the trip to Ostwick.

"Are you seasick?" she whispered quietly. Once the reality that a whole new person was rolling around in her she took to whispering a few choice words to them.

She decided that the child was clearly a boy. Her mighty little warrior. She held a belief that in the future a tall young man with black hair and her own big blue eyes would receive a sun shield from her personally.

She dropped her trunk in a small out of season beach cottage, she had rented for a decent price, and dropped onto the be. She never imagined a newborn baby or a child only a grown man. The wrinkly red alien that was a newborn child disgusted her. She had whisked away many little mage's children still coated in there mothers blood. She also wasn't rather fond of children they ran through the Circle screaming and lighting things on fire. Macaron would comfort those who cried missing their parents and Orsino would often feed the more well behaved of the bunch pastries. His speciality.

My son will not be like that she thought as she pictured Orsino holding a tiny boy who looked like a human version of himself, kissing the babes forehead. She rolled onto her side huffing and she closed her eyes again. She pictured him holding a tiny red baby looking at him with a love that only a father could have for his child. Their son. The baby fluttered again.

She thought she might be able to delivery the baby on her own but upon reading a book on the basics of midwifery she decided to pay someone to assist her.

"Once you get to the last month I will come by every other day to see if you've dropped." The midwife said.

"Dropped?"

"The babe lowers itself into a birthing position. They'll slow down moving and start preparing for life on the outside."

"And after I drop?"

"I'll pop by everyday and will stay upon active labour. Which can last from a few hours to over a day."

She was getting anxious. The midwife figured out that the baby would be born shortly after the new year. Meredith roughed out several holidays that she should be drinking, eating, and celebrating with her surrogate family, alone .

She read several books wrapped in half dozen blankets in the freezing cottage. She began to ponder names. August, after her father. Wentworth, her surrogate father. She remember that Orsino had said he liked the girls name Vika many years ago.

The new year came and the midwife came to visit her on First Day. Orsino always stole baskets of food from the kitchen and they spent the nights drinking, eating, talking, and playing cards.

"Well they've dropped it will soon." she sounded a bit nervous. Meredith knew she was frightened of her. A giant blonde woman with no patience and a sharp tongue was not the most pleasant person to deal with on a daily basis, let alone to deliver her child.

Meredith's heart never calmed a second she was awake and what little sleep he got was brief and not very restful. It was five days later the pains started. They were hours apart not intense at first but they slowly grew closer together and more painful.

"This better happen soon." she snarled at the midwife.

"I'm afraid not they're still rather far apart and your water hasn't broken. Did you want me to stay? I can go get my assistant."

"No, you'll just frustrate me." she snapped as another contraction split her back. The night was terrible the contractions came sooner and sooner and she curled into as much of a ball as her body allowed. She gritted her teeth through the pain. She felt a weird twinge and a rush of fluid poured from between her legs.

"Fuck." she swore trying to untangle herself from the blankets. She pulled her weak swollen body out of the sheets and sat on the side of the bed. She legs were sticky from the fluid. She began shaking.

"Maker I ask you for the strength I need to deal with the birth of the child you've decided I must bear. I am your most loyal of servants and I have accepted all this trial has thrown my way, however reluctant. I also pray that your new child is happy and healthy." she sat on the edge of the bed with her head between her knees taking deep even breaths through every contraction. Within a quarter of an hour the midwife and her assistant had arrived.

"Bed or tub?" the midwife asked.

"Tub?"

"Some women like giving birth in water."

"I would not like to stew in whatever fluids will come out of me, thank you."

"Maybe you could next time" the little elven assistant peeped.

"There will never be a next time." Meredith growled. They tried to get her in a comfortable position but it was a reflex of hers to curl up when she was in pain.

Several hours passed before the midwife declared it was time to push. She began pushing. I wouldn't want to see myself right now she thought. Her night gown was pushed up over her stomach and a little elf girl held her leg.

"Here I am" She muttered "What would he think of me half naked, sweating, swearing, and grunting"

"He would still love you." the midwife said. It was true she knew. He would be sitting next to her holding her legs or her hand. She was forgetting the endgame. Bringing this child into the world.

"One more push." the midwife urged. She pushed one last time. "There we go!" the midwife said excitedly. The pain instantly stopped and the room was eerily silent. "Betty grab me the bulb." she said urgently.

"Is something wrong ?" Meredith gasped trying to catch her breath.

"The airway is filled with mucus it's fairly common" the assistant said watching her boss suck the yellow mucus from the babies throat. It coughed and began to moan.

"Here we go." the midwife smiled and lay the baby on Meredith's chest. It was covered in blood and mucus and god knows what else. She pushed the skinny leg out of the way to check the child's sex. The small penis she expected was not there.

"A girl" the assistant stated "Congratulations"

"I'll clean her up so you can get a good look at her." Meredith felt disappointed. She never pictured a girl. She didn't project her own sex onto the powerful progeny she imagined. Things were just so much harder for a woman. While powerful women weren't unusual it was harder for a girl to work her way up from the bottom. A halfbreed bastard was the lowest of the low.

She passed the placenta easily as the assistant washed the girl. She brought her over clean and in a cloth diaper.

"Prop her up Betty." The midwife muttered as the elf put a pillow behind Meredith's back. "Watch her neck." she advised as she lowered her into Meredith's arms. She examined her. She had all her fingers, all her toes, no ears growing out of places they shouldn't be. She was so small. A lot smaller then other newborns she had held.

"Does she seem small to you?" Meredith asked her voice raspy.

"She's more like an elf baby." the midwife stated "Skinny long limbs." The babies tiny lips started to curl. "You should feed her Betty and I will be in the other room if you need us."

She undid the lacing on her nightgown and pulled out a breast. She held the baby close and she latched onto her nipple. She brushed a finger across the girls face. Her skin was so flawless it was like touching cream. She had lots of wispy white curls coating her lumpy little head. Her lashes were long and what she could see of her half opened eyes they were the generic dark murky blue of most infants. She brushed her fingers through her curls as the girl continued to suck ravenously until she stopped and grip ceased.

"You lazy little girl, just like your father can't even finish a meal before you fall asleep." The voice she heard wasn't her own. She examined her face. She looked like her the eyes, the brow, the nose, the cheeks. The lips and chin were elvish like her fathers. She looked at her ears. They weren't pointy but they stuck out.

"You don't really look like him though" she whispered. "Nobody would ever have to know your his. It could be just between me and you." Maybe she could keep her. She thought out of the blue. Something she never even gave a second of thought before. But then she wasn't holding her tiny little baby in her arms. She never felt her skin on her own. Smelled her, brushed her eyelashes, run her fingers through her curls. She hadn't given birth to her, the most life changing thing she had ever done. This was her child. Her daughter. She was her mother.

She carefully lifted the girls sleeping form and lay her next to her on the bed . She pulled off her soiled wet nightgown and tossed it to the floor picking her back up and holding her against her skin.

"My girl." she whispered kissing her forehead. She fought back the urge to cry and wiped her eye avoiding a tear rolling down her cheek.

She didn't remember dosing off but she was awakened by the assistant covering her eyes with a nightgown in her hand.

"If you would dress Miss, we will change your sheets.

"Betty for the love of The Maker modesty is not going to get you anywhere in this business." the midwife scolded.

"I appreciate it." Meredith croaked pulling the nightgown over her head.

"I'll take the little one Miss. Kala is making stew did you want some?" the girl peeped. Meredith in her stupor had to chuckle.

"Last time I had stew was the night I got pregnant." she reminisced.

"Did you want a bath I could draw you some water?' the assistant said.

"Later" she said trying to stand up

"Careful. Kala could you give me a hand?"

"I'll just sit in the chair and you can give me the girl." Meredith said stumbling to the leather back chair. She was handed the girl and she held her on her shoulder . Her cheeks squished against her neck. She rubbed her back softly.

"Have you a name for her?" the midwife said from the hearth stirring the stew.

"I never picked out a name for a girl. If she had been a boy I likely would've named her August." She paused remembering the name Orsino liked. Vika.

"Her father liked the name Vika. I guess that's what I'll call her." the baby stirred "Do you like that Vika?" she began to whine. "I don't agree with your father on much but I do like the name, you'll have to let it grow on you." she started crying."Oh little Vika what's the matter?" she didn't recognize her own voice.

"She's probably hungry again you'll need to feed her every couple hours at first, tiny amounts. Then you have to burp her just rub or pat her back until she burps." The midwife said matter of factually.

She watched the girl suck ravenously with extreme determination with her tiny hands and finger flailing around her face. She clawed and cut her eyelid with one of her very sharp little nails.

"I'll tear her nails off she can't do anymore damage" the assistant said.

"Do you have children?" Meredith asked the midwife.

"I have just one, I can't have anymore." the midwife said quietly as she ladled the concoction into a bowl.

"I don't have any but I live with my sister and she has six. I'm better with babies." the assistant said.

"Pass her here." the midwife said handing Meredith the bowl." I'll burp her while you eat."

After dinner Meredith took Vika into the bath with her. She lightly lathered Vika's blonde curls cleaning the last bit of blood and amniotic fluid out of it. Meredith's tired aching body loved the warm water, she felt ages older then her twenty-nine years, but her delicate areas were rather uncomfortable.

"You're wonderful" she said to Vika "But if you did some permanent damage to my pleasure I will be very displeased." The girl looked at her with those dark eyes.

"Did my mother feel this way when I was born." she said aloud. She didn't remember when Amelia was born so she couldn't recall what her mother did when she was born. "You'll be my only so I'll never know if its the same on other children."

"I wish your father was here." she said to Vika as she tickled her kicking feet as she opened and closed her mouth like a guppy. "Don't tell anyone, but I do love him. I could never tell him but I'm sure he knows." Vika yawned blinking her big dark eyes at her. Meredith hoped they would set in her fathers vivid green so she could have something of his.

She took Vika back to the freshly changed bed and lay down with her on her chest. She looked past the wiggling baby to the empty side of the bed opposite of her.

What if she had said yes all those months ago? Even if she hadn't banished him when Vika decided that then was the perfect time to give her dear old dad a kick in the palm. He would've left with her. He would have taken care of her when she was too large to light a fire. He would've gotten her fresh bread and sweets. Spent the holidays together like they had for years. He would've held her while she was in labour, cut Vika's cord, kissed her when Kala presented their daughter to them. He would've been star struck. He would insist about how much she looks like her. He would be laying there on Vika's left letting her latch onto his pinky. He would have if she had let him.

She felt a pang of guilt. I denied him the only chance to hold his only child. She snatched away dozens of mage babies but none of them were the same.

"I'm a hypocrite." she said aloud pressing her lips against Vika's forehead.

"Miss." the assistant barged into the room. "Would you like some meat and potatoes?"

"Yes" she grunted "Please."

She was not used to people being in her space constantly. She had lived alone since becoming Knight Captain eleven years ago. Her past lover and even Orsino never lingered around this long.

Over the next week the midwife left several times but the little elf girl lingered constantly. It was mostly irritating but she was a pair of arms to hold Vika while she did things.

Once her body stopped aching she started push ups and sit ups to herself back into acceptable shape. She hadn't put on a lot of weight she was smaller after giving birth then she had been when she left the Gallows but she had gotten soft.

"You don't need to rush it. Nobody expects you to rush right back into battle." the assistant said one day holding the baby in her arms.

"I do need to rush back into battle, according to my order I've been recovering the last four months from pneumonia." she snapped.

The elf left her alone and she did push ups until sweat was dripping off her forehead and she panted as she finally let her arms give out and she slid onto the wooden floor. Vika started to cry on the bed and she continued lying on the ground, grit grinding on her cheek as she tried to catch her breath.

"Miss?" the elf said "Are you alright?"

"I am exhausted can you sate the girl."

"She's probably hungry." she grumbled "besides I'm done tomorrow you should get used to dealing with her by yourself. Shes yours for the rest of her life."

Meredith pulled herself onto the bed and scooped Vika into her weak shaky arms.

"You can leave now if you wish. I thank you for your services." the girl sighed and scuffed out of the cottage.

Vika had gotten so beautiful. Every time she nursed Meredith ran her fingers through her curls. Her skin was no longer red and was a fair porcelain a similar shade as her own. Her eyes had set into a sky blue and she had big high cheeks accented by a single dimple.

"Where did you get that dimple? Your fathers in the tiniest dot but yours is a crevasse." The baby smiled Orsino's smile and there was a pit in her stomach.

"Maker forgive me if I brought another cursed being into the world." she rasped as she lay a hand on Vika's tummy. "I never wanted to have children." she whispered "There's magic in my blood." she scooped Vika up lifting her onto her chest "And then of course the only mage I lay with with is the one who got a child on me."

"You have lots of family." she paused "on your fathers side. But you and I my girl are the only Stannard's left. Just me and you" She knew her father wouldn't have allowed Vika to have his name if he was alive. He held a deep seating prejudice against elves. He would be furious with her twenty-nine years old unmarried with a bastard fathered by an elf sixteen years her senior.

"I think he'd still be smitten by you. You are just to beautiful to hate." Vika cracked a big smile. She kissed her wrinkled forehead smelling her sweet brow.

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you in my bed." she mumbled resting her chin on Vika's head.

Their time together was limited and almost run out. Vika reached out and grabbed her nose digging her sharp little nails into her skin.

"I need to bite those off." she muttered blowing onto her little hand much to the infants glee. She snorted and whined and smiled "I wish you could laugh." she whispered.

She lacked a lot of patience always had and Vika's crying grated on her nerves especially when a rocking or a nipple didn't sate her. But she surprised herself with how well she took to the girl.

Vika yawned and shoved her thumb in her mouth sucking feverishly. Would her hair stay blonde? Or would it darken to a brown. Her eyes that were now drooping were set in her mothers blue and showed no signs of changing.

This girl would be a woman in her own right the next time Meredith figured. She could end up anywhere in Thedas once she left her arms. She could grow up in Ostwick as a lay sister, adopted and moved anywhere. She shuddered she could be taken to a tower and transferred among any of the circles.

"My daughter" she said throatily "I love you so much. Your still in my arms but I already miss you."

Sorry i took a couple days off this one was kinda long and i saw wonder woman tuesday night. my name is diana but no one calls me that so i kept feeling like someone was scolding me


	7. Chapter 6

The next morning would be the midwifes final visit to see how Vika had grown over the past two months. It was also her last day before giving Vika to the Chantry then taking ship back to Kirkwall. She stayed up almost all night making sure not one inch of Vika's skin was untouched by kisses. She changed the last couple of dirty nappys and she nursed Vika until the girl was bursting. Meredith had dozed off when the midwife knocked on the door.

"Come in." she grunted rubbing her eyes

"Is she not sleeping?"

"Oh no she sleeps, I don't" Vika had awoke and grabbed a lock of Meredith's hair and began yanking excitedly.

"You shouldn't hold her too much it'll spoil her."

"I don't care, in a few hours it won't be my problem anymore."

"Are you giving her to the Chantry?"

"Yes it isn't feasible for me to bring her home with me."

"May I ask why?" Meredith sighed.

"Her father and I.. we aren't allowed to be together. She doesn't look like him so no one would know he is her father but in my position I couldn't home with a bastard."

"Are you a Templar?" the midwife asked digging in her bag.

"Why do you ask?"

"My husband used to be a Templar. There is a certain piousness to you all."

"Would you..." Meredith started surprising herself a little." Would you take her?" The midwife sighed and shook her head. "You said you only have one did you want more."

"We can't afford another child especially a baby."

"I have gold, a far amount."

"I'm just done raising children my husband is too old to be a father again" she avoided looking Meredith in the eye. Meredith was disappointed but she knew that if her husband was an ex-Templar he was either indisposed or had an expensive lyrium habit.

"Hand over the little bean pole I'll give her a once over." Meredith dreaded her being taken from her arms for even a short time. "She's put on a lot of weight, that's great. She was so tiny when she was born, her arms and legs are still so skinny, does she have any elf blood?" Meredith nodded not wanting to go into detail. "Does she lift her head? Smile?" She nodded again. "Are your hips still sore?

"Aching just a little bit."

"That's normal. You may have noticed but your hips get noticeably wider after you give birth. You have a bigger frame so it will be less noticeable." Vika started to whine interrupting the midwife. "Hey little bean pole everything will be okay, huh "she rubbed her belly and pushed the tiny fist toward her mouth "Suck your thumb like a normal baby now."

"I'll give you your blankets and swaddling clothes back" Meredith said breaking silence. "I won't need them and you could give them to someone else."

"Keep that yellow blanket." the midwife said "She's such a pretty little girl. I've seen a lot of babies. It'll make it easier for her to find a home." Meredith held out a hand to the midwife who grabbed it awkwardly in a reluctant handshake.

"Thank you for your services, you have been an endless help."

"Next time you're in town be it on Templar business, pleasure, or carrying a second bastard, you must visit me." Meredith scoffed

"It will be the first if at all."

"Good bye Ser." she midwife said leaving the cottage.

"I am going to miss you forever." Meredith whispered to Vika with an apple sized lump in her throat. A young lay sister stood by as she said her final goodbye.

"You, girl" the lay sisters eyebrows raised "You are to give this to whomever takes the girl" she handed her a bag of golf "I will know if you pocket it." the sister swallowed hard.

"Yes, ma'am"

"You're also to send her birth certificate to the Chantry in Kirkwall once she is adopted." the sister nodded again. "Good" she said curtly turning her back to her lifting Vika's face to her own and held her so tightly the girl began to squirm from discomfort."I love you. I'll see you again, I know it." she rasped. She kissed her big cheek and she began to moan.

"Goodbye my girl" she said voice breaking. She thrust her into the arms of the lay sister not looking her in the eye, she turned and left towards the docks.

In her cabin on the ship home Meredith locked the door and dropped onto the lumpy bed. She rubbed her eye and tears began to form. She allowed herself to cry she hadn't cried in more then ten years.

"No one has died" she muttered to herself "She is very much alive and has her whole life ahead of her." She became very aware of the ache in her hips, her breasts were still swollen and leaked slightly. "I'm a commander not a mother." she told herself rubbing her eyes.

It took several days to return to Kirkwall. She dragged her trunk to the Gallows and noticed there were several unmanned posts.

"Boy" she snapped at a recruit guarding the door "Where is everyone?"

"I don't know Commander, everything's been all amiss since you left. I'm so glad you're back."

"Garin!" She shouted stomping down the hallway to her office "GARIN" she threw open the door and the place was a mess piles of paperwork nearly a foot high. She felt the rage building up."Macaron!" she shrieked. She heard the old man shuffle across the hall.

"Where is Garin?"

"He quit in the new year." he rasped "Risa has been bed bound with some sort of illness the past month and I'm not permitted to choose a substitute." she vibrated in rage "We sent letters to Amaranthine but got nothing back."

She shooed him away and gave her trunk to a nearby knight and had them drag it to her quarters. She sat back in her back and sighed. She then heard a knock at the door.

"What?" she snapped. Orsino slid open the door and slipped inside.

"I heard screaming I figured you were back." He wrapped his arms around her tightly. "I've missed you, so much. Did everything go...well." he hesitated.

"I was resting and getting myself back into shape and I'm here, healthy." he sighed as her slipped his gloved hand into the slits of her shirt and slid his smooth fingers up to her breasts tracing her nipple through her breast band.

"Not right now." she said pulling his hand out agitated. "For the love of the Maker, you're like a bloody school boy" he stood there big eyed with a puppy face. She turned to look at him. He was even greyer and exhausted looking "Stop standing there like a scolded child and help me organize these piles of paper." he sighed as they began sorting the papers,

"Transfer?" he grunted.

"That pile there by my foot," she looked up from the papers "Where is Risa? Did she move out of the quarters?"

"Yes she is out in town somewhere, I haven't seen her since the end of Wintermarch."

"I will have to go see her tomorrow."

"This needs to be signed" he passed a paper to her making eye contact with her. She read through the paper. A junior enchanter had had a child the same day Vika was born.

"The child was taken to the Chantry."

"Macaron sent the boy to Cumberland."

They sat in silence as they sorted and signed papers. Her hand cramped after two hours and she was certain the had started leaving the second 'n' in Stannard out at some point.

She went out into the tower and entered Orsino's office.

"What." he said flatly not looking up.

"Meet me upstairs in ten minutes."

"What for?"

"I want you, It has been too long."

"Earlier.."

"Was earlier."

She met him at the top of the stairs and dragged him into her quarters. She kissed his neck nipping at the skin as he moaned quietly. He slid his hands up her sides to her breasts. She grabbed them and lowered them to her hips. Her breasts were painful and leaking again, she didn't want them touched. She reached for his crotch and rubbed the growing bulge hidden under the layers of fabric.

He reached for her shirt and started to pull it off but she slapped his hands away.

"I'm cold leave my shirt on." Her skin was still lined with stretch marks that hadn't yet faded away. She peeled back his robed and undid his small clothes freeing his cock. She grasped it and ran her cold thumb up the under side of his stiff member. He shuddered and hissed.

"You're so cold" he rasped. She slipped her underclothes off and lowered herself onto his lap.

He felt foreign inside her, it wasn't looser like she had feared. It just felt different. A raised brow informed her that he too felt a difference. She broke the glare and began grinding him hard. He dug his nails into her thighs and kissed her neck. She thrust and thrust and her muscles began to cramp. She clamped her teeth and went faster feeling the familiar tightening. She came satisfactorily and he followed moments after. He rolled his head back and sighed as she slipped off him and she quickly pulled her pants back on before he could catch a second glance at her skin. His seed leaked out of her uncomfortably and it reminded her.

"Could you brew me some tea?" he put his clothing back together.

"Yes, of course."he rummaged in the drawer where it was usually kept and pulled out a tiny bag. "I could stay and we could have a proper cup of tea?"

"No, thank you. I'm going to go to bed" she sat in her favourite chair after he left, sipping back the bitter contraceptive tea. Looking into its yellow depths she pondered. He had spilled his seed in her at least a hundred times in the past 4 and half year, dozens of times they could've conceived a child but this piss coloured liquid worked all but once. She wondered why it didn't work that one instance. Maybe it was as the healer in the north had said, some babies were meant to be.

She walked to her trunk and opened it and began rummaging through looking for the small yellow blanket. Pulling it out she sat on the bed and smelled it. Who would that sweet smelling baby grow up to be. Somebody magnificent, she was her daughter after all. There was a rap at her door she quickly tossed the blanket into her bedside table. Orsino slipped back in.

"Get out." she snapped without looking at him.

"Meredith, I just wanted to talk to you there is something on my..."

"Leave, leave right now!" she nearly screamed. He turned and left immediately.

He knew, she knew. Who was she kidding. He knew when they had spent the night together when she returned from Ansburg. People with terrible illnesses don't acquire bigger breasts, wider hips, and a uniform swell to their waists.

She started avoiding him the following months.

She would check upwards or four times a week at the Chantry to see if Vika's birth records showed up. When they did they stated that she hadn't been dedicated to the Chantry much to Meredith's chagrin, but they stated she had been adopted after only two months by a wealthy non-noble family.

She was somewhat relieved that the Chantry wasn't going to have her forever they didn't often raise little girls to be Templar's. They preferred to keep them around as servants and lay sisters, she had learned that all too well herself. But this family, who were they? They were probably merchants. Did she have brothers and sisters?

She would often pause while doing paperwork and think of her. In the second month she had reached for a bottle of ink and suddenly her shirt was wet. She had panicked thinking she had spilled black ink all over her expensive tunic but was even more mortified to see that it was her milk. She ran immediately to her quarters in embarrassment she she would stuff rags into her breast band.

Three months passed, then four and six and nine. On First Day she holed up in her room and drank an entire bottle of wine. Orsino was the only person to visit her and she as even surprised to see him. She figured he was sick of her ignoring him,

"Meredith" she said uncomfortably" Are you in?" she grunted from her comfy chair in the corner.

"I brought desserts would you like some." she eyed his basket of cookies and cakes and nodded. He pulled the desk table closer to the fire and lay the basket and another bottle of wine on it. "Help yourself I already had several of those cranberry crumbles they are delicious." he poured the wine and handed her a glass which she downed in seconds.

"I'm having one of those days" she muttered taking a huge bite of a sugar filled croissant.

"You didn't open your Saturnalia present." he observed the still wrapped box on top of her bookcase.

"You can take it back. I didn't get anything for you so it's not fair to take one from you."

"Your love is all I need."

"Shut your mouth." she slurred and dropped her wine glass. "I can have you transferred in a heart beat, mage." she stood up and wobbled catching herself on the table.

"Excuse me?" Orsino was aghast at her behaviour.

"There's is anti-fraternization laws, Senior Enchanter. I think you remember them well, what was her name? Mina was it?"

"Meredith" his toned hardened.

"Still a sore spot? Its only been twelve years."

"You really are a heartless bitch." he snapped.

"Get out" she snarled. His brow was furrowed, his mouth in a grim frown. This was the vampire all the recruits were scared of.

"No" he said calmly as he grabbed her by the edge of her dressing gown and lead her to the bed.

When she awoke the next morning a dull ache pressed on her forehead and her throat was parched. She shuddered and rubbed her bare arms glancing to the floor trying to find her nightgown. She didn't see it at first glance so she tucked herself back into the warm bed.

Orsino had stayed the night, something he rarely did. He lay on his side facing her. He looked twenty years younger in his sleep. His greying hair had slipped from its carefully brushed position across his forehead and across the pillow. His lips were parted slightly as he breathed softly, those lips he had given their daughter.

She was still desperately cold in her small clothes. She pulled up her feet and stuck them onto Orsino's warm unknowing stomach. He grunted and snorted as he woke.

"Curses woman this is why I don't spend the night."

"I'm cold"

"Then light a fire."

"Will you?" he sighed and crawled out of the bed hissing when his feet made contact with the icy stone floor. He limped to the hearth bending his knee stiffly. He knelt on the hearths edge pulling the edge of his short pants down to avoid the cold brick making contact with his skin. He tossed in a few logs and pointed a finger igniting them instantly.

"There, happy?"

"Yes." she patted the bed and he crawled back in stretching a long limb until he heard a crack. He chuckled.

"I'm getting old."

"How old are you now?"

"Forty-seven at the end of this month."

"I met you on your thirty-fifth birthday." Meredith said "I was a new recruit and I was to drop you off and go back to get you at the Hanged Man."

"And that guy ginger guy Richard tried to grope you through your plate and you knocked his front teeth out." Orsino said with a hearty laugh. "Did you know that he brags about that to this day."

"Some men are absolute idiots." she muttered

"I don't trust red heads, red heads and people from Antiva. A red head from Antiva, oh boy." Meredith smiled.

"I'll have you know my mother was a red head."

"That's where you get that temper." he chuckled.

"I'll have you know." said Meredith "My mother was one of the most level headed individuals. It was my father that had the short temper. I am my fathers daughter."

She looked at his big smile and in that moment the words ' I hope your daughter's her fathers daughter' almost slipped off her tongue. He sat up and grabbed his robe off the floor.

"I have to go. I am expecting Macaron will be needing my assistance with the piles of complaints. We get them every year. Wine and a bunch of apprentices don't mix."

"Now how did the apprentices get the wine?" she asked as she stretched out on the bed.

"That Knight Commander is a mage secret." he winked and left.

The closer it got the seventh of the month the more the ball of anxiety in her stomach bubbled. On the sixth she felt nauseous she had retired to her quarters early unable to hold a pen in her shaking hand. She pulled out the tiny yellow blanket and held it to her cheek and she lay on the bed. She swore the fabric still held the smell of her freshly scrubbed baby.

She heard the chimes ring in the seventh and she threw herself off the bed. She needed to tell someone what was hurting her. She threw on her warm winter cloak and started to leave the Gallows. She walked past Orsino's office seeing the candle still burning. She paused and contemplated telling him. But she couldn't bring herself to do it.

She went to the Chantry pushing the tall stone doors open. A tired mother creeped down the steps.

"Knight Commander what are you doing here at such a late hour?"

"I must speak to the Grand Cleric, its an urgent issues." the mother raised a brow.

"As you wish Ser, I will go get her" Meredith stood stiffly by the alter as the mother went upstairs.

"Meredith, what is so urgent you had to summon me in the middle of the night." a tired Elthina asked from the top of the stairs.

"I must speak with you in private."

"Come child." she lead Meredith into a small room. "What is it child that has called you here at this hour."

"I have to confess. My guilt is eating me alive."

"What is it you have to confess to child?" Meredith took a deep breath, she was going to do this.

"One year ago today, I..." her voice was failing her "I had a child... a bastard." she hissed that last word, she felt horrible calling that sweet little girl a bastard but that's exactly what she is, her bastard.

The Grand Cleric looked at her with great confusion.

"I did not expect this Meredith, but the Maker forgives all, regardless of what your sin may be."

"Your grace, that's not all."

"Oh?"

"I... the... this cannot be shared, none of it I have your confidence?" Elthina nodded,

"The father is Senior Enchanter Orsino." Meredith couldn't look her in the eye. She knew that she was shocked by her revelation. She has been half raised by the kind old woman. She must be disgusted with her. Violating every teaching she had ever taught her. She expected to be stripped of her title and Orsino to be sent away,

"Where is the boy?" was all she said

"It was a girl. She was adopted by a family of merchants in Ostwick she could be anywhere."

"Ostwick?" the look she gave Meredith said she knew what went on during her sabbatical.

"Does Orsino know?"

"No"

"Meredith, I... don't even know what to say." Elthina slipped into a velvet covered chair.

"I will accept any and all punishments."

"Shh child, sit for a moment." Meredith sat in the matching chair.

"What is the girls name?" Elthina asked after several moments of silence

"Vika."

"Vika Stannard."

"I did not give her my name."

"I figured as such."

Meredith was torn between whether Elthina was gathering evidence for her treason trial or if she was interested in the progeny of a woman she considered almost a granddaughter.

"She is healthy?" the Grand Cleric broke her stream of thought.

"Small, but that was to be expected but she was healthy, a fine set of lungs, ten finger, ten toes."

"I will send her birth certificate to Val Royeux, they needn't know why now, but when she is of age and you retire you may want to recognize her as your own."

"She will be the only child I will ever have." she said quietly "and I didn't expect to even have her." They sat in silence for another moment.

"You have my confidence Meredith, this secret with die with me. You are the person I trust this city with and I will do as the Maker wishes and forgive you for your transgression. We all make mistakes, one night of lapsed judgement shouldn't be the end of you." Meredith dropped to one knee. She thanked the Maker Elthina assumed it was one night. It was easier to explain a drunken night in Nevarra then a traitorous long time affair.

"Your Grace I am unworthy of you holy pardon."

"Meredith, no one could possibly judge you more then you have judged yourself." she touched Meredith's shoulder. "Stand child, be strong for all of us. I know you can"

Meredith rose and looked down at the ageing clergywoman. She was a girl of fourteen when she was orphaned and the Grand Cleric had held her as she cried out all her terror. She thought her arms were massive but now as she towered over the old woman she realized how mortal this woman.

"Meredith, it would be best if you spoke of this to Orsino. When you are ready of course." she nodded and left the Chantry heading back to the Gallows in the blowing midnight flurries.

 **im back ive been really sick the past little while**


	8. Chapter 7

Another year went by and First Enchanter Macaron died without naming a successor. Orsino being dutiful volunteered after no one else would step up. Meredith was not very pleased. She knew having to fight tooth and nail with him about every small issue with the Circle would impact there already strained relationship.

Rebellions and apostate groups started grinding on them. They could barely hold a civilized conversation anymore. Every simple conversation ended in an argument. Meredith found herself thinking less and less of Vika. She was to preoccupied by the justice that needed to be served. Orsino's visits had slowed down, he claimed he was getting too old his libido was failing him, but he too seemed consumed.

Orsino turned fifty, it was only a few weeks after Vika's fourth birthday. Meredith had purchased him a fine pocket watch and gave it to him that night when he came to visit.

"It's beautiful, thank you very much" he lay it back in its box "I must wear it with my formal attire." his tone sounded fake and rather unimpressed "Meredith" the tone was unsettling.

"Yes" she said nervously. He looked at her with those big soulful eyes and she no longer saw that longing she once did, she saw confusion and concern,

"I.." he started and stopped abruptly sighed and mussed up his hair. "Never mind, did you want to go to bed?"

He fell asleep very quickly after and she lay there in the cold, feeling his seed leak down her thigh. She sometimes feared they would conceive another child. One child was born despite their efforts, could a second?

She looked over at the mage next to her snoring and she was hit with a sudden fright, she was completely unguarded, naked. The nearest sword halfway across the room. What if he turned into an abomination?

"Orsino!" she nearly shrieked. He bolted awake.

"What? Whats going on? Is something wrong?"

"Get out, get out right now"

"What?" he rubbed his eyes.

"You have ears, I told you to leave, now!" he looked frightened. He shambled out of her bed, dressed, and hobbled out. He slammed the oak door behind him and she was left by herself.

She was still naked and unarmed but she felt so much safer. She grabbed her nightgown and slipped it on. She went to the hearth and lit a fire. Kneeling by the tiny flame she once again felt his seed on her thigh it was now ice cold and it felt absolutely vile.

She slowly cut more and more of her personal ties. Risa the young woman she had mentored and promoted to Knight Captain was found smuggling mages out of a tunnel and she was fired on the spot. Meredith could almost consider her a friend and she betrayed her. When she confronted her the Captain couldn't look her in the eye.

"You might understand" she said quietly "I did it for love."

"I should have you hanged for treason." The Knight Captain without her plate was just a girl maybe in her mid twenties grasping the sleeves on her cotton tunic.

"You understand, don't you ?"

"Leave girl and do not ever speak to me again."

All her Knight Captains betrayed her. Garin had left the Gallows unguarded and to add to his pettiness he began spreading rumours about her sabbatical among the drunks in the Hanged Man, she hoped no one would take them seriously. She would need to find a like minded individual. One who puts their job first and wouldn't pry into her personal life. She would have to give that boy that had recently been transferred from Ferelden, Cullen was it?

Fall came and the city was being flooded by Ferelden refugees. She stood on the ramparts in the Gallows watching them. The poor broken souls sleeping wherever they could find a spot. She worried if there was any apostates among them.

She patrolled the city personally putting an eye to any corner where darkness could hide. She strolled through the High Town market giving the eye to any new faces when a certain vendor caught her eye.

A Riviani high end clothing shop had been set up. Beautiful embroidered dresses and cloaks on wooden mannequins. The clothing was not what caught her eye but the tiny little girl sitting on a stool in the front making necklaces with a skill that was usually unheard for a girl so small. The girl was dressed in the finest silks in a shade of kingfisher blue, her curly blonde hair was very long and was tied in a loose braid and her bangs curled this way and that framing her tiny face. Then there was those eyes, those sky blue eyes.

"Hi lady, would you like to buy a necklace." the little girl said in a sweet little voice. She wanted to scold her and say. "It's Ser" but looking the girl straight in the face only elicited a single word.

"Amelia?" the girl raised a brow.

"I'm not Amelia, I'm Vika."

"Vika how old are you?" her heart was pounding.

"Four and a half." Meredith lowered to one knee to look the girl in her way too familiar face.

"So you are Vika and your four and half."

"Yes" the girl looked away obviously nervous and clutched her hands behind her back.

"How much are your necklaces?"

"Sixty silvers."

"Which one is your favourite?" she pulled out a lapis lazuli embedded necklace from a paper box.

"I like this one I worked really hard on it."

"I'll give you five sovereigns for it." Vika looked up at her eyes bugged.

"Five sovereigns? Really?"

"Is your mother around?"

"Yes" she turned her head and screamed "MAMAAA" a bothered looking Riviani woman perhaps in her forties poked her head out of the tent behind the stall.

"What Vika?" she said rather unenthused.

"This lady wants to talk to you." the woman looked at Meredith.

"Ah Knight Commander, what can I help you with, a new formal dress perhaps?"

"It's about the girl"

"Come in for a moment" she tucked into the tent where there was several more mannequins, a couple barrel, and a loom.

"There is little privacy in here so we must be vague and brief" Meredith said curtly. "Did you adopt her from Ostwick in 9:26?"

"Yes, is there something up?"

"We must discuss this elsewhere, would you come to the Gallows tonight?"

"No, I need to be home with my children."

"Then I will come to you then."

"We're staying in the apartments by the estates, Longhill it is called we are in room 4B, come by after nine."

"Okay"

Meredith dressed all in black and tied back her hair when she left he Gallows that night to avoid suspicion. She found her way to Longhill and knocked on the door of 4B. A boy nearing manhood answered the door. He must have been one of the woman's children as he looked very much like her,

"I am here to see your mother."

"She mentioned someone was coming. Come on in." he lead her up a flight of stairs to the woman's work room.

"Hello?"

"Good evening Knight Commander" she said from a poorly lit table. "Come sit. I never properly introduced myself, Ilya Faurey." she extended a jewel encrusted hand.

"Meredith Stannard" Meredith responded.

"So I take it she's yours?"

"What?"

"Vika, I assume you left her at the Chantry in Ostwick in 9:26,"

"Uh yes."

"I knew whoever her mother was she was of high standing being that a lay sister handed me a huge bag of gold when I picked her up. I guess she does look a bit like you no that I've given you a better look. She smiles more though" she smiled "She's a sweet little girl, very smart, extremely talented. She is very shy I was very surprised she asked you to buy one of her necklaces. She's even more nervous of people with swords."

"You speak of her with great enthusiasm."

"I speak highly of all my children, but you are only interested in her."

"She has brothers, sisters?"

"No, just two sons Rus and Aaron. I always wanted a girl to sew with me because my husband had the boys ply his trade. So when he died I went and picked up little Vika."

"Did you remarry?" Meredith asked curiously.

"I've finally narrowed it down to two males in my house I will not willingly take in another." she laughed.

"Are you married Knight Commander?"

"No, I never planned on getting married."

"What about Vika's father? Were you together?"

"We, its complicated, the situation, our whole relationship. We could never be married in our position. He asked me when I was pregnant if I would run away with him, but I couldn't do it. I have a duty here to the people of Kirkwall."

"Duty" Ilya echoed.

"Speaking of duty" Meredith reached into her cloak "I feel I should give you this" she slid a bag across the table and Ilya opened the draw strings and looked into the gold filled pouch.

"Why?"

"You're raising my child, you know my secret."

"This isn't blackmail Meredith" Ilya was irritated "My daughters safety would be in question if it eve got out that she was yours."

"Take it use it for your family or lock it away for Vika she may want to go university some day or travel the continent. I'll send more"

Ilya sat across for her, moth agape. Meredith looked at her. Her pitch b;ack hair was braided intricately, she had half a dozen gold hoops in her ears and one in her nose. She was still very beautiful, lines of age did little to hide it. Riviani, it wasn't their fashion choices that raised concerns it was their heathenistic religious beliefs.

She wasn't going to bring that up now.

"Ilya, can I see her?"

"Of course, she sleeps like a rock, but you have to be quiet my son is a light sleeper."

Ilya took her candle and led her to the small bedroom that was cramped with two feather beds. Vika was nestled in the bed closest to the wall. She was stretched out as far as her little limbs would spread her patch quilt wrapped around her feet. She was dressed in a burgundy velvet night gown that had ridden up in a very unladylike manner. Her hair was in pigtails instead of the braid she wore earlier and her blonde curly bangs swam across the pillow.

"I'll leave you alone" Ilya whispered as she laid the candle on the side table and went back to the other room.

Meredith scooped one of the curls up with her finger and ran it in between her thumb and forefinger. She sat on the bed and touched her cheek with he thumb. She wormed her way onto the bed laying down next to her on her side. Like she did the day she brought her into the world.

She examined her little face in the candle light. She certainly had her eyes and her brow but when she was sleeping she was a nose full of freckles away from being Amelia's twin. Her mouth however was still Orsino's her smile was all his.

She kissed her forehead and she never even stirred. She slipped her arm under her neck and cradled her into her chest. She smelled her hair, she expected her to smell like the swaddling cloth in her night table but she smelled like perfume. More like an adult then a little girl . Her skin was so soft and Meredith rubbed her back idly. She pressed her lips on her cheek.

She wanted this moment to last forever. She wanted this little blonde girl to sneak into her bed every night with her stuffed dolly. She wanted to look over and she her daughter nodding off in her fathers arms while he read her a fairytale. He's never even seen her before.

Vika stirred in her arms. She was scared she would wake up and she would frighten her. She remained there with her daughter in her arms for who knows how long but she was nearly nodding off when Ilya shook her shoulder.

"Meredith, you should go its two past midnight."

"How long will you be in Kirkwall?"

"I can never tell me business could flourish or fail. We could be here for weeks or even years."

"We must keep in touch."

"You can visit any time you like, at the stall or here in private."

"I shall." Meredith paused "Ilya, her father will want to see her most likely."

"What does he look like?"

"He is older, an elf, tall, grey, wears black robes."

"Does he have a name?"

"Orsino" The woman raised a brow as Meredith opened the door. "Goodnight, thank you" she said curtly and left the apartment .

 **So I thought I might clarify the timeline I had to change it after Word of Thedas 2 came out so there might be a few screw ups but this is the basics. Some dates aren't known so I had to take some liberties.**

 **8:80 blessed Orsinos year of birth**

 **8;96 Meredith is born**

 **9:14 Meredith is made Knight Captains**

 **9:21 Meredith is made Knight Commander the relationship starts**

 **9:26 Vika is born**

 **9:28 Orsino is made First Enchanter**

 **9:31 Act 1 Starts**

 **9;34 Act 2 starts**

 **9;37 Act 3 happens...**

 **9:40 The inquisition is formed**

 **9:42 Vika joins the Inquisition**


	9. Chapter 8

A massive slave ring dealing in young apostates had been broken by some Ferelden refugee. Meredith felt as if a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulder and she actually finished her paperwork with a smile.

"Wine?" she never noticed Orsino slip in and he startled her.

"Yes, but not here. We'll go up to my quarters" she was in the mood for a glass or two. She stamped the last paper and met him in her sitting room.

He had poured the wine and lit a fire. She half expected to find him lying on her bed in nothing but his underclothes but he was just sitting in the chair staring at the fire pensively.

"It has been an amazing week" she said breaking the silence. He hummed,

"Sit" he said assertively as he stood and grabbed the glasses "Have a drink, its Antivan. Not poisonous I assure you" She waited until he had downed half a glass in a single gulp before taking a sip. It was sweet and fruity.

"Not bad, a bit too sweet though."

"Yes" he agreed quietly. He looked over to her and she saw something she hadn't seen in a very long time. Love and admiration. She blinked and looked into the flames. "It has been a while" he said voice muffled by the glass "For a lot of things" he drained his cup and looked at her.

"My son must be nearing five years old now would he not?" It took her back so hard. She felt as if all he organs had turned to ice. Her throat closed and her eyes forgot how to blink.

"Daughter" she choked out in a voice that definitely wasn't hers. She thought of a million other responses but her mind and mouth were not cooperating.

"Daughter? All this time I thought I had a boy when I had a little girl."

"I thought it was going to be a boy" she said mechanically.

"It was very kind and responsible of you to never tell me." he said flatly.

"You get all persecuted but who said she is even yours." she snapped trying to rile him up.

"Excuse me? Oh please Meredith, if you ever slept with another man even if the child wasn't his you would've married in a heart beat to cover your pious ass."

"Don't you dare try to blame this one me" she snarled. She flung the wine glass to the floor where it shattered into a million pieces. "Get out mage." she hissed.

"Keeping everything bottled up isn't good for your mind you know."

"Do not speak to me as if I am a child. I am the bloody Knight Commander, I own this city." She could feel her blood boiling. She looked to the man sitting there next to the fire with the empty glass in his hand and his jaw slacked.

"Meredith" he started then stopped noticing the vein threatening to burst in her temple. He knew he shouldn't try to win this battle but he felt he must. He tossed his glass to the floor and it didn't even chip. He stood up and looked down into her eyes.

"Get out, right now" she snarled again.

"No we are clearing things up right now." Her eyes narrowed.

"What do you want from me?"

"The truth Meredith."

"I had a child." she stopped and continued almost painfully "You... fathered her. What else do you need to know?"

"Everything" his voice hollow "What's her name? What day was she born? What does she looked like? Where is she now?" Meredith broke their eye contact.

"Her name is Vika, she was born on the seventh of Wintermarch 9:26. She takes after me in appearance."

"Where is she? Does anyone know?" He was furious now she could see him turning red, something that he rarely did. "Meredith tell me now."

"She is here in Kirkwall"

"Meredith, does anyone know" he snapped. She snapped back.

"Her adoptive mother."

"Who else. I know your lying to me"

"Elthina" she nearly whispered. She heard his actually gasp.

"How are we not hung to treason?!"

"Her Grace trusts me to run this city and this Circle, she said my judgement was in the eyes of the Maker. Besides she thinks we conceived her during a one night affair and people make lapses in judgement" Her voice strained. He hung his head.

"I knew you were pregnant when you came back from Ansburg, I figured you were scared and would tell me when you were ready. But it has been nearly five years" He turned away "Why didn't you come to me right away we could have dealt with it" She grabbed his arm.

"I'll tell you the truth. I was mortified, I was in denial and by the time someone slapped some sense into me... it was too late to end it. It would've been easier then carrying her, giving birth to her, and then having her torn away from her for four years. I've spent many nights lying awake thinking about my daughter, who she was with, where was she, what kind of child is she."

"You didn't have to do any of it alone." he had hurt in his voice.

"Yes I did, you're delusional, I couldn't have sent for you in Ansburg, you couldn't have come to Ostwick with me."

"I wish I could have but the least you could've done was just tell me." he didn't say another word and slipped form her grasp and out of her quarters.

"Orsino" she called out. He turned he was already half way down the short corridor. "Will you give me one last night?" she couldn't believe she said it but she needed it.

"Meredith, I love you but this can't go on any longer. We can no longer hold a civil conversation and we are to a point where it can't just be about the sex again. I'm done" his voice was husky as he turned back and went down the stairs.

She shut the door and bolted it sliding into the chair where Orsino had perched.

'We broke up?' she thought to herself ' we were never together were we?'

She would get so mad when people would refer to them as an old married couple as an unknowing jest. Maybe because in another world, another lifetime, they would be married.

Civilian Meredith longed for the world with no magic and no humans or elves. They would've met by chance at the market or at a tavern. The only thing anyone would bat a lash at would be the age difference but sixteen years wasn't that much. Her gruff father would've given her away at the alter and her freckled sister would be her bridesmaid. Her mother glowing with pride with a tear welling in her eye.

She felt a tear in her own eye and wiped it away quickly. She leaned on the table and held her face in her hands.

 **womp womp**

 **im still not doing the best but one of the symptoms is not sleeping so ive working on this and on the orignal content novel ive been writing just as long as this**


	10. Chapter 9

"Meredith!" Orsino shouted as her burst into her office "You approved a south tower top to bottom search with even consulting me."

Meredith looked up at him. He was furious his face was that of the vampire that the new recruits were scared of. A large blue vein threatened to burst out of his neck. She stated calmly.

"It had to be done, they're dozens of Fereldens taking refuge here and I do not want a repeat of Kinloch Hold."

"This is not procedure!" he snapped.

"This isn't usual circumstances" She wasn't in the mood to be angry and he seemed upset that she wasn't upset. She rubbed her lapis lazuli necklace with her thumb.

"Orsino."

"What!" he snapped.

"We were invited to a gala in Starkhaven next week. Will you be going?" she thought he might turn purple but he just raised a brow and sighed

"Why not get out of the Gallows for a few days."

"Have you been to the market lately?' she asked nonchalantly.

"No." he said confused as to why she was asking him.

"You should go to the new seamstresses stall, you'll find something interesting." She smiled and he grew nervous.

Orsino had to investigate, he was way too curious. He went to High Town and found the stall she was talking about. It was high end clothing. He had just bought a new suit, did she want to him to get another? He glanced around the table at the trinkets hung about on stands.

A tiny blonde girl was side on to him feeding silver wire through pearls with a long needle with an expert dexterity unexpected of one so young. He watched as she looped each around pulling each tightly pausing to tuck a stray blonde curl behind her ear. She never broke her concentration until the last pearl was in place and she had put the shiny steel clasp on the end. She held it up in front of her with a big gap toothed celebratory smile, which quickly turned into a frown when she saw him.

"Oh." was all she could muster clearly frightened.

This is what Meredith wanted me to see, he realized. Meredith had said she looked like a Stannard, he thought maybe more like her mother or sister but this little girl was the very image of Meredith herself. Her sky blue eyes looked at him curiously as he inspected her with his green ones.

She had her eyes absolutely, her nose was still a little button of a thing and despite her high cheekbones her face was still plenty chubby. Her lips were small and her chin was narrow, unlike her mothers. She does have some of me in her he thought.

He smiled and the girl raised an eyebrow.

"Are you a vampire?" she said in a wavering tone. He chuckled.

"The sun is out and I'm not burning am I?" A little grin showed her dimples.

"You are wearing lots of robes do they keep the sun off?"

"It does it's my secret" she giggled a sweet giggle. He dropped to one knee.

"Did you make all of these?" he gestured to the jewellery.

"My Mama made these" she gestured to a couple belts "but I made all of these" she flailed her tiny hand around the rest of the table.

"How much for all of them?" Her eyes grew wide.

"MAMA" she shouted and a middle aged Riviani woman peeked out of the ten behind the stand. She was younger then him but still rather old to have such a young child. He realized he too was rather old to have a young child. He could almost be a grandfather at his age rather then a father of a young child.

"What Vika dear?" the woman said slightly irritated.

"How much is seventeen necklaces?"

"They're sixty silvers each figure it out."

"I can't count that high" Orsino smiled.

"Eleven sovereigns should cover it with a little extra for a treat."

"Mama?" Vika called for assurance.

"Go right ahead" Ilya eyed him up before she tucked back into the tent.

He returned to the Gallows and went directly to his chambers. He lay each necklace on a long table and examined each of them thoroughly. His heart filled with pride as each necklace proved to be nearly flawless. He found a familiar looking lock one with no seam but with a red enamelled sun on the front. He brushed his thumb across the sun and it clicked open. Inside was also enamelled but in a midnight black. The locket was the locket of an enchanter, they sold them by the dozen to travellers in the Gallows. Vika must've acquired one and prettied it up herself.

He froze. She opened an enchanters clasp, she has an enchanters touch. He wasn't sure whether to be proud or mortified. Mortified seemed to take precedence. What would Meredith do or say if she knew her only child was a mage. Another poor cursed existence, one that she herself created. With him.

Would she take after him, powerful and collected, a first enchanter. Or after her aunt, a massively destructive and savage abomination. He shuddered. Maybe he was wrong maybe she didn't paint the inside maybe she never opened it. He will keep that detail to himself.

Orsino kept a journal, When he was younger he had written in it casually about his day to day life until a certain Templar read it and shipped his first love to the Anderfels. He took up writing in it as if it was poetry not naming name or specifics of events. He had slowed down writing since becoming First Enchanter but he wanted, no needed to write. His daughter didn't leave his mind even after her face spilled from his quill. Her chuckle, her sweet little dimples.

He would never in his wildest dreams think he would ever have a child. When he was young and with Mina they would often talk about destroying their phylacteries and running away together, buy a farm, and raise a little family. But that was just a fantasy.

Years ago he had bought wedding rings on a whim hoping maybe, just maybe Meredith would accept his ridiculous proposal. He knew it was a stupid idea. He remembered that night it was warm despite the fall blowing in, the scent of sex in the air and the sweat clinging her flesh to his. He remembered the flowery scent of her hair and sliding his hand over her wider then usual hip and onto her slightly swollen belly. It wasn't fat like she insisted. His child, their child, was growing in her. He didn't know whose heart was beating faster. His child he mulled it over again and again. He was going to be a father a concept he ad long put aside. He was forty-five almost too old but that didn't matter. He finally found his voice.

"Meredith would you ever consider leaving with me?" and he reaction had been what he expected.

He rummaged in his footlocker and found the pair of simple gold bands at the bottom. He tried to slip on his ring and couldn't get it past his first knuckle. He was disappointed. He recalled it fitting like a glove when he bought them. He pulled it ff painfully and tossed it back into the footlocker. He slammed the lid hard with frustration.

He slept that night restlessly with dreams of everything he couldn't have.


	11. Chapter 10

The gala at Starkhaven was nothing out of the ordinary. The usual pomp and mindless chatter among the high class of the Free Marches. Meredith was finishing off another glass of wine when Orsino strode over to her.

"How many is that now?" he asked slyly

"Seven, they just won't stop talking about Orlesian dresses." she said exhausted.

"I'm at nine, people keep mistaking me as a servant." Meredith's flushed face cracked a wry smile.

"Come on bus boy, lets go get some fresh air." She held out an arm and he lead her formally from the ballroom. He took a deep breath when they exited a side door.

"Ahh the air out here is fresh, and lacking Orlesian's" He said looking at her in her simple but beautiful red dress. Her hair was done up in a simple up do. Simple and beautiful.

"Red has always been your colour" he said airily. Her face flushed more.

"Stop." she said looking away. He looked around to make sure no one was around and whispered.

"I gave Vika a big bag of gems, you know for her jewellery and you should have seen the look on her face."

"You mustn't spoil her or visit her too often, people will get suspicious."

"I make them brief, I don't linger if someone is around."

"Someone saw me with her, Garin is spreading rumours again."

"Or he just saw her and in his drunken stupor once again jumped to conclusions."

"He's not jumping to conclusions he somehow figured it out."

"He is a drunken fool no one will believe him, they haven't before and they wont now." he patted her shoulder "Would you like to go for a walk?"

"No I think I am just going to say my goodbyes and go back to the inn" Meredith stated,

"Shall I escort you?" he asked wryly,

"If you must" He dropped to one knee and kissed her hand. He looked at her the way he did nearly twenty years years before. She was a girl of sixteen then and she blushed as much as she did now. Though now it was likely from the alcohol she decided.

They were arm and arm as they said their goodbyes. They were arm and arm when they made eye contact mocking Prince Vael's extravagant belt buckle. They broke their arm lock when they slipped into a coat room and barred the door,

"Why do I keep coming back?" he whispered in her ear as he hiked her dress up past her hips. He rarely entered her form behind, he preferred to look her in the eye, but the coat room was barely bigger then a closet and lacked much room for romance.

"I want you now" she whispered back as he yanked down her small clothes. She gasped as he entered her suddenly. He thrust hard and faster then she could imagine. She dragged her nails across the fabric on the chair she leaned upon. His nails dug into her bare hips as she came the first time. She felt her legs quacking as she neared a second and she hoped they would finish in unison like they had done many years ago. Her wish was granted as she felt herself tighten around his cock as he grunted and released himself in her.

He whipped her around as he pulled out and pulled her into a tight embrace.

"Why do you do this to me?" Without thinking she rasped back

"Because you love me."

He escorted her back to her suite. She invited him in.

"Help me move this wardrobe." she commanded

"Why?"

"I am getting my last night and I want it to last until dawn." She never smiled, she just looked at him with glazed eyes. He couldn't tell what was brewing behind them, he never could. They were like ice, cold and dangerous,

He tore her dress trying to pull it off. She scolded him.

"This is my favourite dress, be careful" She pinned him down and tore at his suit pulling a couple buttons clean off,

"Hey this is my new suit" he scolded.

"Shut up" she gasped as she dragged her nails across his smooth chest. He reached up and began undoing her corset.

"You know it would be easier to get off if I weren't pinned on my back."

"By all means" she said lustily. She stood beside the canopy bed arms outstretched.

"Take it off" she demanded. Her breasts practically spilling out of the top.

She looked down at him as he stood in nought but his breeches and she watched him untie each hook with his thin dexterous fingers.

"You have a band on underneath this? Maker it must be stifling to be a woman." She said nothing and just stared at him. He continued loosening it until it dropped to the floor.

"Now I am yours" he stated as he fell to his back. She planted a hand in the centre of his chest.

"You got that right, you are mine. I own you, I can make you, break you, give you life and even take it away if I wish so." her tone was cold.

She tore down his small clothes and slide down his shaft to the base. She gasped and clamped her nails into his shoulder. He felt her draw blood but he didn't care she ground on him and toes curled. He grabbed her hips and gripped them tight.

"Who said you could touch me?" she growled pausing looking into his eyes. She grabbed his wrists and pinned them to the bed by his head.

"You're not to touch me unless I say so. I am the commander." She ground harder and her thumbs drive into his arms. His legs started quaking and she stopped again.

"Are you about to cum?" she whispered , her dry lips brushing against his ear.

"Yes"

"Who gave you you permission?"

"I did" he grunted. He pushed his arms up and pulled him into a sitting position.

"Disobedience must be punished" she gasped as he began thrusting hard. She clawed up his back and bit his ear. He grunted in pleasure as he finished.

She fell to the bed while he remained sitting.

"Its over" she whispered throatily.

"Yes" he said gasping for air. He kissed her hand. She sat up grabbed his face and kissed him deeply.

"Do you still love me?" she asked with those cold eyes,

"Did you ever love me?" Those cold eyes said nothing. He lay back on the bed and she joined him She lay on her side facing him. He closed his eyes and he felt her tracing her finger across his face.

"You've gotten so old" she stated "You weren't wrinkly and grey when we first lay together."

"You're not forty yet and yet you have crows feet thrice as bad as any of my wrinkles." she jabbed him in the eye.

"Don't shoot the messenger"

"I wish we were young again" she mused,

"When I was young you were a child."

"Well when I was young"

"When you were young I hated you."

"Oh?"

"In some sick irony I fell in love with the person who took my love away."

"Oh right the brunette"

It was sweltering in the room and sweat was beading down her face. Her lips were dry and her make up was smeared. He once again looked into those eyes and he thought for a second, just a second he saw something in there. Love? Desire? Or just lust? He blinked and it was gone.

"Orsino" she said breaking the silence. "Will you stay till dawn?"

"Our last night isn't over until the dawn breaks." he whispered. He was so tired his eye lids drooping. She leaned over and kissed him lightly on his dry lips.

"Thank you" she whispered. She turned away from him and he snuggled into her back.

"I really am an old man" Orsino groaned the next morning trying to pull his robes over his head. Meredith said nothing as she dressed in silence not giving him a passing glance.

"Help me move this" she grunted trying to shove the wardrobe away from the door. They left the inn separately and met up at the porter waiting for the carriage back to Kirkwall.

"Where were you? We were to have left a half hour ago." Meredith scolded.

"I picked up a few things for... you know who at the market they had lots of leather cords and pearls." She shook her head.

"Orsino" she scolded again.

They started back to Kirkwall in dead silence. Meredith stared absently out the window but would occasionally give Orsino and glare. He was glancing over at her and saw her brow furrow.

"STOP" she shouted at the driver.

A Templar on a white horse had rushed up behind them. She opened the carriage door and the exasperated young man managed to spit out,

"Knight Commander, the Circle... its on fire"

"What?!" she gasped and turned her head. He looked out the window on his side and saw the plume of smoke rising up in the distance.

"No" he said quietly.

She returned to Starkhaven while he continued to Kirkwall to send more Templars to aid in the crisis.

He was filing piles upon piles if transfer papers when Meredith finally returned.

"Orsino" she said exhausted "Come over here for a second" she was still wearing her plate but she was undoing the straps. "Give me a hand" He undid the two hard to reach ones on the back and lifted it off her shoulders.

"Thank you" she sighed with relief rubbing her shoulders. "Its been a rough week I'm so tired."

"So what is the extent of the damage?"

"It burnt to the ground at least a hundred poor souls died, lay sisters, servants, Templar's, and mages alike. The First Enchanter and the Knight Captain are both dead and the Knight Commander was hideously burned and may not last another night."

He would resent the words he said then for the rest of his life.

"I don't think it could get any worse."

She stared at him with a look that said, you don't even know as he left her office,

A week later past midnight he was shaken from his slumber.

"Orsino" a harsh whisper in his ear coated his arms in gooseflesh.

"Whats wrong?" he mumbled rubbing his eyes. It was Meredith dressed in her plate.

"Get up and get dressed."

"What's happened?"

"The Vael's are dead we need to get to the Chantry immediately."

He ate his words again only a month later. He was taking a break from the never ending pile of paperwork and was drinking a cup of tea watching the Templar trainees doing their drills in the yard. He heard a knock at the door.

"Come in" he sighed.

"Orsino" Meredith said closing the door behind her "I need to speak with you."

"You're here right now are you not?"

"This isn't business" she snapped her agitation growing in her tone.

"Oh?" he turned to face her. She wasn't in her plate as she did more and more these days. Her brows were furrowed on her concerned face and her arms were crossed. She sighed and padded over to him.

"Orsino" she whispered in his ear. Her eyes darted from the door to the window suspiciously. "I'm pregnant."

She watched his face turn into a mask of horror.

"No...no.. not again." he gasped. She started slowly.

"It's just like... like last time, all the pains all the symptoms."

"Did you not take your tea?"

"When would I have taken my tea, when I was pulling burning mage children out of the burning tower?" she snapped at him.

"Well it doesn't matter now, what are you doing?" he was now whispering.

"I am not going through what I did with Vika again, you will get me some whorehouse tea and we'll take care of it."

"Alright" he rasped back grabbing her hand. She clenched it tightly.

"Thank you" she whispered.

"I will go see my girl and bring it to you tonight."

She let go and left his office without another word.

She waited that night in her chair by the fire waiting for the knock at the door. She was ready to go looking for him when he slipped in silently.

"Sorry I had an ill apprentice I had to sate before I left." he pulled a small sack out of his pocket. "Adyn asked way too many questions" he said dropping it on the table. "I told her it was for a Templar trainee. If I said it was for a mage your men would start more nighttime searches." he said with a grin. She gave him a poison looked and he stopped.

"She said to just boil it like regular tea and drink it all down, all of it she prefaced several times. She then said to be prepared to bleed it out" he looked to her "Did you want me to stay with you?"

"No and I'm not doing it tonight"

"You must do it soon"

"I am very aware of that" she said agitated "I will do it when I am ready."

"If you do decide you want me with you."

"No"

"Meredith, my offer still stands."

"I don't need you to stay with me" she snapped.

"No, to leave with me. We can take Vika and we can have our son or daughter."

"You are so delusional Orsino. That wasn't a viable option five years ago, it isn't now, nor will it ever be,"

"Can't blame a man for asking."

"I can blame you for making everything harder for me" She gave him a toxic stare and sadness filled his ever expressive eyes.

He left silently and picked up the sack and pulled the tea bag out. It smelled similar to her usual contraceptive tea but had a sharper edge and the bag itself was nearly thrice the size. She slipped it back into the velvet pouch and sat back down.

She was calmer then she expected to be. When she had missed her first cycle she wasn't alarmed they had become very erratic but when her hips and back started aching and her breast became extremely sore she became alarmed. The second missed cycle confirmed it. She hadn't taken her tea. She had left the last few bags in her quarter in The Gallows and it had been nearly two weeks before she returned from Starkhaven. Too late.

She grabbed her cloak and left for Hightown. She needed to see Vika.

She rapped at the door and Ilya's older son answered the door.

"I need to see your mother"

"Okay" he stood aside not questioning her. She climbed up the stairs and met Ilya at the top

"What brings you here tonight its been a while?" Ilya asked

"I just need to see her, you may have heard but it has been a very taxing two months."

"By all means"

She immediately slipped into the girls tiny bed and pulled her into her arms. She never stirred any time she held her. She slept like a rock, much like herself. She was still so small, her hands half the size of Meredith's own. Her little button nose scarcely the size of the tip of her thumb. Her skin was the softest thing in the world. She rocked her and barely let her lips break contact with her face. She couldn't have another.

No.

This little girl. This one little person had caused her such heartbreak. She was proof of all her sins. A betrayal to her case. She ruined all her close relations and threatened to ruin her respect. She was one of Kirkwall's darkest secrets. An abomination against nature. A bastard. That little girl who slept in her arms. That little girl that she loved so much it physically pained her.

Orsino had to bring up the boy. The boy with the dark hair and his father's eyes. The boy she has dreamed of before she got her little the one that was looking more and more like her as she grew older. If she lived to grow old she would see Vika have her own children, maybe she would have her dark haired boy as a grandson.

She lay Vika gently back on the bed and returned to the Gallows without saying a word.

 **Ive been listening to an audiobook t and the narrator had a voice so similiar to Merediths va it just wasnt as harsh so ive been trying to picture that voice reading the dialogue cause Meredith doesnt have enough calm talking to get a definite tone down**


	12. Chapter 11

Meredith looked at the sack when she strapped on her plate that morning.

She was overseeing some new recruits when she felt a pang in her back. She took leave to her office where the pain intensified. She shuffled stiffly to Orsino's office.

"Are you busy?" she hissed through gritted teeth.

"Maker are you alright?" he said concerned.

"I feel... ill" Cold sweats started and her hands were shaking. He ran over and grabbed her arm.

"Shall I take you to a healer?"

"No take me upstairs." She grasped his arm hard. The pains were familiar, similar to labour pains. She was starting to feel light headed as they went up a flight of stairs. She allowed him to hold her and she used him like a crutch.

"Is it the baby?" he whispered when they reached her corridor.

"I think so." she whispered through gritted teeth.

He went to lay her on the bed but she protested when she felt a liquid on her thigh.

"Take me to the water closet"

He undid her plate quickly throwing it to the floor. He started undoing her tunic.

"Can you fill the tub" she grunted taking the tunic off. He turned to knob and she could see his hands shaking as he heated it with a small flame. She took off her pants to see the blood and another clear fluid starting to drip down her thigh. He looked startled when he saw it as he turned around. He grabbed her arm and helped her into the tub still in her undershirt and small clothes.

"Did you want me to stay?"

"Please" she said evenly trying not to make it seem like she was begging him. He grabbed her hand.

She opted out of his offer to go fetch a potion for pain. She didn't want him to leave. It was nearly an hour later and the water in her tub was murky with blood and maker knew what else. Her small clothes hung on the side of the tub. She was thankful they were black. Her undershirt however was white and had been stained by the blood. She made note to burn it later. He sat next to the tub not letting go of her hand. He was a pale as she was.

"This isn't that much blood" she said "Birth was much bloodier and the midwife said Vika's was easy birth."

"Its not the blood." he said "it's the bits, which one of those bits was our baby."

"Its probably placenta, its nasty stuff." he looked ill.

"Do you think it's done?" he gasped

"The pain has pretty much stopped." She felt absolutely vile. The water was starting to cool and her whole body ached. Cold sweat dripped down her forehead and back and she started to shake.

"Did you want a hand out?" he asked as she pulled the plug and let the mess go down the drain. He grabbed her a towel form the linen closet.

"Hold on to me tightly" he said cautiously as she stepped carefully out of the claw foot bathtub. She wobbled as he grasped her hip tightly. He lay another towel on her bed before helping her into the bed.

"I will be back later, I will tell the Knight Captain you fell suddenly ill and you're sleeping" He lit a fire before leaving. "Get some rest"

She shook violently even though she was now sweating from the heat. Her back and pelvis hurt and she felt sick to her stomach. She thought about the baby. She thought about the night they were conceived. Where had it been? In the coat room or in the suite in the inn?

She thought about when they had conceived Vika. It had been when they had travelled to Nevarra in a chalet in the mountains on the way back to the Free Marches. If any coupling of theirs was more fitting.

She felt feverish and starting thinking about The Maker. The omnipresent maternal figure that dwelled in the Golden City. The same one she had spent nearly her entire life serving. This must all be his plan. Everything was a test of her faith. The mage. The sweet little girl. The baby that was never born. It was all his plan. He made her love Orsino, to test her loyalty. He blessed her with a daughter she couldn't keep, to test her spirit. She didn't understand the baby. She would never understand. Maybe it wasn't the Maker maybe it was just her body responding to her mind. She dozed off dazed and sweating.

"Meredith" she heard Orsino whispering "Meredith" she groaned. "How are you feeling?"

"Sore" The pain in her back was just an ache and the brunt of the pain was in her womb now.

"I brought you some soup, it's on the table."

"Come sit" she patted the bed as she pulled herself into a sitting position. She was wearing only her bloody stained undershirt.

"Did you want me to grab you some clothes?" He asked from the foot of the bed. She pulled back the bed clothes and inspected the towel. The few blood stains were long dried.

"Yes, I think I'm done bleeding now"

"Did you want me to use a healing spell? Just for good measure?"

"Yes" she recoiled when his cold hands brushed along her abdomen, feeling the warmth deep inside her body. "Thank you for staying with me." she said sincerely,

"I wasn't going to leave you. I also would've came by every night to check if you drank the tea."

"It's still on the table, bring it back to Adyn."

"Do you feel okay, about the baby?" he asked quietly sitting at the foot of her bed.

"Yes it seem the Maker and I are on the same page" he gave her a puzzled look.

"He is done giving my personal life hurdles I guess"

"What hurdles?" he raised a brow "Are you feeling okay? Do you have a fever?"

"No, I am well, You're a hurdle, a forbidden...person" she quickly replaced love with person.

"I am a hurdle?" he was confused.

"We could never truly be together, its forbidden. It's a hurdle from the Maker."

"What are the other hurdles?"

"Well I'm sure my sister was one, then you, and Vika."

"Don't talk about my daughter like that. She is not a hurdle and neither am I. Neither is your sister, we are your family not some message from the Maker."

"You are not my family," she snarled.

"Oh I'm not your family? We were together for ten years we have a child together. Your skin feels like an extension of my own. I've stayed up at night caring for you when you've been sick, and you I. We spent every evening off, every holiday and high day together. I loved you and know despite all your stubbornness and piousness you loved me. Today. You came to me today why? Was that another hurdle? Grab a hurdle to help you out?"

She stared at him from her spot on the bed still half naked with a gaping jaw. He tossed a nightgown at her.

"Here's your clothes, did you need a hurdle to provide you with anything else or shall I just leave?"

"Yes, leave" she said defeat in her voice.


	13. Chapter 12

"Ilya, please understand I know your people are used to the Qunari, but these lot are dangerous. They are threatening rebellion as we speak." The look Ilya gave Meredith as she pleaded, was one of extreme confusion.

"Wait, what?" the seamstress finally managed to get out "You want us to leave?"

"You need to leave for all your safety. The Qunari are becoming more and more unsettled. There have been more and more incidents. They will turn to violence soon and I... I don't want her here for that. That woman Hawke is trying to sate the Arishok, but it is not working."

"You are actually scared. That scares me more then the Qunari" Ilya patted Meredith's forearm. "I will talk to Rus"

"You're his mother make him leave"

"He's an adult, he can make his own decisions but I will be taking his apprentice with me because Aaron is still just a little boy."

"I will give you gold to speed up the process, I'll bring it by tomorrow night."

Meredith left Ilya's office and the two children were still awake sitting on the couch in the sitting room by the door. The boy was reading a book while Vika was knitting a mitten. Neither paid her any heed when she left.

She knew her daughter was afraid of her. She was afraid of a lot of people but especially of her. She was a scary mean lady with a sword. According to what Rus had told her while she commissioned him to maintain her mail. Ilya would never tell her anything like that. The truth. Rus had also told her she was very fond of the friendly vampire. Her pet name for Orsino.

He had been a foster father to dozens upon dozens of little mage children in his years in the Circle. Of course their daughter would prefer him. He was more patient and gentle too.

She had stopped to drop off paperwork a few days earlier and saw him making a dozen of paper roses.

"It's for Summerday" He had said.

"For?"

"You know who." He had snapped impatiently while making a stem.

"You spoil her."

"And you scarcely give her the time of day."

"I am a busy woman."

"And I am a busy man but I put time aside to go see her." his tone was full of spite.

"She is getting so big, she's going to be tall." he said matter of fact "Both of us are tall so it's to be expected I guess. She's is looking more and more like as she gets older."

"Orsino, she has to leave soon." she sighed,

"Why? It'll be too suspicious having our mirror image running around High Town?"

"Yes," She said surprised "That and the Qunari."

"They scare you?"

"Those violent heathens. I wouldn't put it past them to kill a child if they deemed her unfit and I am fearful for her life." She paused and watched him make another rose top "Do you have any money?" She asked. He raised a brow.

"Why?"

"I need to get her out of here. If I give that irritating woman enough gold it will get them away swiftly."

"I spend what meagre money I make on things to make others happy" he grunted frustrated. "Some of us are paid for their positions, some of us are not."

"You can't give me anything to get you daughter to safety" she said trying to guilt him.

"I have nothing"

"You have nothing but love. I am sick of hearing that from you and its completely useless right now."

"Get out." he snarled. He finally looked up from his crafts and the look of pure hatred in his eyes gave her goose prickles.

"Excuse me?" she replied

"Get out Meredith." She tried and failed to think of a response but she left him alone.

She gathered up every last sovereign, silver and bit she had and tosses it into a bag. She pulled out a piece of parchment and wrote a letter. A letter she had been dreading to write for the past eight years.

 _To The Archivist of the Grand Cathedral:_

 _This is my last request as Knight Commander of Kirkwall,_

 _In 9:25 when I was twenty-eight years old, I unexpectedly conceived a child with my partner at the time. I went on a sabbatical and gave birth to a daughter, Vika, on the seventh of Wintermarch 9:26 away from the prying eyes of the Chantry and Templar Order of Kirkwall to hide her away to both avoid the scandal her birth would have caused and for the safety of the newborn. Her birth certificate was sent to Kirkwall where it was then sent to the Grand Cathedral by her worship, Grand Cleric Elthina,_

 _My request of the Chantry is to legitimize my daughter and rechristen her Vika Stannard either when this letter is received upon my untimely demise or upon my retirement of the Order, allowing her to receive my pension, estate and name._

 _Regards_

 _Knight Commander Meredith Stannard_

She went to the apartment upon folding and sealing the letter in an official envelope.

"Ilya, I hope this is enough to get all of you out of here" Meredith watched the woman's jaw slack.

"This is more then enough Meredith. I can't even begin."

"It's nothing, it's the least I could do asking you to pick up and leave." she said breathlessly.

"Well Rus has been in a bit of a slump, your commissioning him as a personal armourer wasn't enough to keep him afloat, so he was all over leaving. I could go anywhere where there's noblewomen and I can make a mint." Ilya said with the smile Meredith had come to expect from her.

"Ilya, I also have this" Meredith reached into her robe and pulled out the letter she had written earlier. "You can't open it, the seal must remain unbroken. I case anything were to happen to me in the next year or so. It..." she exhaled sharply "This will legitimize her. The Divine Order will see to her." Ilya looked aghast

"They'd legitimize a mages child?"

"No, I didn't mention him by name. Hold onto this please. Only bring it to the Divine of something were to happen to me in the..."

"Next few years, I got it. What happens after that?" Meredith was at a loss for words.

"I spoke with the Grand Cleric when Vika was a baby. Vika's birth records are in Val Royeux, her grace sent them herself. She suggested when I retire to make her my own. But I don't know if I'll live to retire."

"Don't say such things, you are only young."

"Ilya, I will lay my life down for this city to protect it. It is my job and my duty." Ilya exhaled deeply and leaned back in he chair with her arms behind her head.

"That's the kind of talk that makes me glad Vika is with me and not you."

"Excuse me?"

"You're not planning on living to see your only child grow up. I plan on seeing her come of age, Being at her wedding, and the day her children are born and that's why I am her mother and not you."

"I gave her life. She is my flesh and blood."

"Woop de doo, anybody can fuck and make a baby. I had two one before I even turned twenty but the difference between us is that I cared for them every single day of their lives even after they've grown up."

"I constantly worry about her."

"You're guilty worrying doesn't compare to staying up three days and nights caring for her when she had the croup or walking a hole into the floor soothing her colic. Teaching her to read and do her numbers. I taught her to sew and make jewelry. I took her to Rivain to visit my family, because she is my daughter and I love her as much as my blood sons."

Meredith was taken aback. She felt her jaw slack. She looked into the woman's dark eyes and saw an unfamiliar hostility. She grabbed her head in her hands and planted her elbows into the table. She was frustrated and felt insulted beyond belief. Her heart was pounding in her ears. She dug her nails into her scalp. She forced her eyes closed and she felt tiny tears spotting her eyelashes. She slammed her fists onto the table causing Ilya to jump.

"You think you understand my motives and you have no idea. You speak to me as if I was some stupid little girl who got pregnant at sixteen by her fathers stable boy. Do you not understand that I am a symbol for all that is righteous and holy in Kirkwall. What you probably don't know is that this city is mine Dumar is nothing but a figurehead."

"And you would lose it all respect you think you ave earned if someone ever found out you fucked the First Enchanter." Meredith wanted to punch her in the face. "It was more then a one time fling wasn't it? The Knight Commander and the First Enchanter and their sultry love affair. It's like something out of a pulp romance novel."

"I... We..." she sputtered trying to catch her words " We were ...together for just shy of ten years. It wasn't a fling or an affair.

"Well that explains why you're so defensive about him" Meredith scowled "Oh Knight Commander your secrets are safe with me. As I said all those years ago Vika's safety is the most important thing."

Meredith wasn't sure if she was going to cry or throw the centre piece at the seamstresses smug face.

"I am an amazing leader and warrior, but I am a terrible person and terrible mother." she blurted out. "Three years ago I fell pregnant again and I lost the baby two months in and I was pleased. Orsino was devastated but I didn't give it a second thought. It saved me the effort of drinking whorehouse tea." Ilya raised a brow "Someone needs to tell me daughter what kind of person I am and it might as well be you."

"Tell her yourself. If you don't think you'll see her grow up, write her letters. My brother did that for his son. He was a soldier and was on leave more then he was home and he wrote my nephew about every aspect of his life. He died young but my nephew knew his father."

"If I were to do this would you give them to her when she came of age?"

"Of course" Meredith eyed her up, her smug little grin returned as she crossed her arms.

"You drive me crazy, You are way too much like Orsino are you sure you're not his sister" Ilya shrugged. "I am going to leave now before I give into the urge and trash your office. I will see you in three days at the docks."

"Goodnight Knight Commander"

Meredith was down at the docks before the sun even started to peek across the sea, Ilya and her children were leaving on the first ship to Orlais and she wanted to see Vika one last time.

She spent that night writing several letters for Vika. She wrote to her about her family. Vika's aunt and grandparents and the old family business. She wrote what she knew of Orsino's family as well. He didn't even have a surname his family was so low in status even among alienage elves. Vika didn't have one ether, presently. Some day she'll have one whether it's Stannard or something else.

She never slept a wink. She didn't even try lying down. She wrote those letters and drank half a bottle of wine. She left at the strike of four slipping into a warm black cloak and her knee high leather boots. She climbed the Circle tower and stood outside Orsino's door for nearly ten minutes contemplating knocking before she turned and left.

She pulled her cloak up around her face as her jaw clattered. Her breath clouded the air a she eyed the docks for any sign of them. She eyed Rus's massive form carrying several trunks on a trolly and the younger boy with shaggy sand coloured hair attempting to drag a single chest while Vika poked him repeatedly with an ornate walking stick. A big smile was across her face every time Aaron sputtered

"Ouch" or "Stop you little worm"

"Vika!" the boy dropped the trunk" You are such a pain in my ass"

She jabbed him again in the butt with a big laugh and he ran after her. He grabbed her cloak and pulled her across the stones as she shrieked with laughter. He dragged her half way down the stairs as she screamed

"Let me go you stupid head" in between peels of laughter,

She knew she certainly didn't take after her in personality she must take after her father. She watched her play fight viciously with her brother.

"Ilya" she shouted with a wave. Ilya turned and waved back,

"Knight Commander" she said as Meredith stepped across the cobble stones over to her.

"Good morning" Meredith greeted. Ilya grunted.

"This isn't morning this is still the middle of the night but alas this is the only half decent ship leaving for Orlais in the next week so I guess I'll grin and bare it."

"Mum I'm going to bring the trunks down to the cargo hold" Rus interrupted.

"Take Aaron with you" she insisted and Vika started to follow.

"Not so fast girly you can stay with me"

"Baby" Aaron jeered "only babies have to stay with their mummies."

"You're being a servant, I am a high born lady and you are my elven servant. Carry my bags, elf boy" she giggled poking Aaron with her stick as he licke dhis tongue out at her.

Meredith thought it funny as it was Vika who was half elf.

"Vika don't bruise his bottom he's going to be sitting on that for the next two weeks."

She sighed and leaned on her stick. Orsino had given it to her for her last birthday. She insisted it was inappropriate to give the girl an apprentices staff but she had admit the perfectly polished yew branch with the bead and leather work handle was a beautiful thing.

Meredith lowered herself to the girls level

"Vika I have a few things for you."

The little girl looked at her with a little brow raised. She looked at her with Meredith's eyes but what was behind her child's was something Meredith couldn't recall seeing in hers in decades. The wonder, the innocence, the curiosity. She broke the stare to reach into her bag.

"I am friends with the friendly vampire and he gave me this for you." she pulled out a silver spyglass. In truth he had given it to her as a late Saturnalia present the holiday she spent in Ostwick but she felt it appropriate to give it to her.

"You're friends with the vampire? Rus said Templar's just boss mages around and I don't know anyone who wants to be friend with someone who's bossy."

"Well the vampire and I are the very best of friends and have been long before you were born."

"Tell him I said bye and I really like the spyglass it's very pretty," She turned to follow her brothers and Meredith caught her hand

"I have one more thing for you." Vika looked at her again.

"I have this cloak for you. It won't fit you right now but it's an enchanted Templar cloak it will keep the rain off you always. And the clasp is the Templar insignia so you'll always feel protected."

"Thank you" Vika said wide eyed. Meredith knew she had no idea why a complete stranger was presenting her with gifts.

She stood up and her eyes caught Vika still staring at her with hose big blue eyes and she scooped her much to both of their surprise. She was eight and half years old yet she still seemed so small to her, like the baby she gave birth to in the shack by the sea. She was so light, her shoulders narrow like her fathers, her hands so tiny. Vika's soft cheek was pressed against her own. She wanted to kiss her one last time but resisted. She put her back down and the child looked baffled.

"Run along girly" Ilya chided and with that she was gone. Meredith wondered if that would be the last time she every saw her only child.

Meredith thrust the bag of letters at Ilya

"Keep a hold of these for her, please"

"Of course" Meredith held out a hand and the seasmstress declined opting to give her a rather unwelcome hug.

"She's safe with me"

"I know"

"You'll see her again, she may be an adult but you will see her again."

"She looks enough like me now, I'm scare to see her grown."

"You'll live to see her grown, I promise."

"Don't make promises you can't keep" Meredith said throatily. Ilya patted her arm and she turned away and nearly ran from the docks.


	14. Chapter 13

"Where in the name of the Maker is she?" Orsino shouted as he burst into her chambers. Not bothering to knock.

"Safe" she snarled looking over the edge of her book with a glare "No thanks to you."

"Oh praise Andraste" he sighed ignoring the jab. "I couldn't live with myself if someone else died on me today."

His heart had dropped when he saw the empty bazaar coated in blood with not a soul in sight. He and his enchanters dashed through Hightown spotting Qunari dragging survivors to the Keep. That's where she must be he decided and he was dead set on it, until they were ambushed by an another group of Qunari.

When the now Champion took his hand and helped him stiffly to his feet he saw Meredith walking behind Hawke's companions. She glared at him with disgust.

"I see you still live." she snarled. He glared into those cold blue eye trying to find a hint of worry or fear and saw nothing. It took all his willpower not to scream at her there in front of everyone. He didn't care he would've screamed it at the alter in the Chantry.

"Where did you put my daughter you monster" but he knew she probably would say he was possessed and strike him down on the spot.

"That Hawke woman is a piece of work, disrespectful blasphemer..."

"Stealer of your title?"

"Shut up, this is not about something so petty. I don't want some mage sympathizer being one of the most influential people in this city. Her father escaped this Circle nearly thirty years ago and lived as an apostate, her sister in an apostate, and she has that blonde apostate shacked up in her mansion."

"And your track record is so clean, Knight Commander. You lack the mage father, but you easily could has given birth to one."

"What do you know? Is Vika a mage? You better tell me if she is. She must be brought to the Circle. I'll fetch her myself, that blighted woman wouldn't turn her in." her voice was shrill. It was the exact reaction he expected.

"No, I don't know if she is but there is good chance of her developing magic when she gets a bit older." he lied quickly picturing the little locket in his foot locker.

Meredith slammed the book she had abandoned reading onto the table making Orsino jump.

"This is why I never wanted children. I decided when I was just a girl I was never going to marry so I would not have children. Because apparently only married people have children. I was such a fool." She glared at him form in between her fingers. "You did this to me."

"Did what? Impregnate you? Because that was certainly never my intention. If you recall I was the one who acquired all the contraceptives."

"Hence why it is your fault. You screwed up when we were in Nevarra."

"What?"

"When I escorted you to Cumberland. It was nine years ago now. It was then." she sighed heavily "That was when I got pregnant. I sent you to fetch some tea and you must've gotten it off someone unreliable because it clearly did not work and you cannot comprehend the anguish you have caused me."

"You are an insufferable bitch, a selfish bitch, who is so fucking blinded by your own ideas that you cannot see how broken and hypocritical you are Somethings are your fault Meredith and somethings can't be blamed on one person" He was shaking as he added in the same even tone "Other people have feelings you know, even mages."

"You dare speak to me that way. Mage?" Meredith was turning purple.

"I don't know how I could have ever loved someone who could turn into a monster like you, for that I am a fool" he snapped "I hate what you've become and I hate you for everything you did regarding our daughter and I hate you Meredith and I hope you hate me too."

He stormed out before she could say another word.

He returned to his own chambers and lit a candle at his desk. The low light cast ominous shadows throughout his round sitting room. He pulled off his outer robe and tossed it on a chair. He rummaged in his cupboard looking for the bottle of brandy he had put away for a rainy day.

He tossed back a couple small glasses and pulled out his journal and a pen. He flipped it open to a blank page and just stared at it. This book had been full of his joys over the past few years and he had hoped he channel but he just stared a hole into the paper.

He was tempted to be juvenile and just scrawl 'Meredith is a bitch' but when he finally started scratching after a few more drinks it wasn't malicious or angry it was a memory. A rather fond one he had been reminded of that he had nearly forgotten about.

"The College of Enchanters are meeting soon."

"Indeed they are, I've been chosen as the representative for this year."

He had stopped in to visit Meredith and he was hovering int he doorway.

"I was also invited this year for a meeting with Knight Commander Randell."

"So are you accompanying me?"

"Yes" she looked up at him from her desk with a little grin.

They both loved travelling. Orsino loved being out of Kirkwall and loved it even more when a certain woman was his escort. She loved it because no one was around to judge or happen upon them. She almost had a heart attack once when a mage apprentice had once burst into her office when they were hand and hand.

The trip itself had been fairly uneventful. When they were returning from Cumberland they were hit by a spring snowstorm in the Nevarrian mountains.

"The storm will blow out overnight but no one has any plans to leave in the next few days." Meredith announced coming in from the bluster.

They had rented a chalet outside of the sleepy town and he ad start a fire in the large stone hearth and had start simmering a stew.

"Well that's not too bad. This place is nice and cozy." He smiled at her and she smiled back. Such a rare occurrence. She kneelled by the fire warming her cold hands. He looked over and the orange glow on her face and hair warmed his heart

"You are the most beautiful woman in the world." he whispered and her cheeks flushed. "You know the bed has a wolf skin blanket." he added wryly.

"Oh?"" she said standing up and taking off her cloak and gloves. "Shall we test it out?" she asked unbuttoning her tunic.

"Not wasting time?" he smirked.

"Well the stew won't be ready for another little while so you can warm me up."

"You are too skinny" Meredith stated form her spot at the end of the bed. She lay on her stomach in her small clothes scooping stew from the wooden bowl.

"Elves don't tend to get fat" he replied ladling himself another portion.

"You're still too skinny you need to eat more meat."

"Meat is for muscles and I don't have muscles. That's your department." He looked over at her she was glowing again in the fire light. She glanced away when he caught her eye.

"Orsino?"

"Yes?"

"I didn't bring any tea with me."

"Oh" he felt a pang of anxiety,

The first time they had lay together he had sent a cup of the tea to her with a tranquil with a note reading 'to prevent any long term consequences' and she returned a 'thank you'. He sent her another and another and another until he just brought her a box full of the tea bag.

"This is easier and no one is searching your quarters."

"I'll fetch some in town tomorrow. It isn't wise to wait until we return to Kirkwall."

He joined her in the bed pulling her into him yanking the wolf pelt over them.

He paused writing and realized that night, the night they made their daughter was the last night they had slept together in each others arms and the only secret between them was the relationship itself. They fought yes but that night was the turning point. The intimacy and trust they had built started to crumble.

"Your ears always fascinated me, they are almost translucent" she mumbler running a finger along the back of one of his ears.

"Why do you humans always go for the ears?"

"I don't know, elves aren't all that difference from humans. The ears are the biggest difference." He scoffed.

"Silly human" he poked her nose "Your noses are small, your eyes are tiny" he poked her chin "your beards"

"I do not have a beard!" she scolded

"You humans are so hairy."

"I am not hairy" she swatted his nose.

He remembered looking across the bed. She lay on her back her hand draped across her eyes with a gap between her fingers so she could peek at him. Her usually scowling face worse a little grin. He remembered how much he loved her then. It was never the same after.

He sighed and put down his quill. He remembered coming back and her immediately diving into a serious blood mage conspiracy. Her work came before him always. It came before her, too. He would often venture into her office for an afternoon tea to find her sleeping in a pile of paperwork. He would whisper her name and she would bolt up instantly and shoo him away.

He started seeing her dash to the water closet and he now knew why. She became more irritable and then she left. She never said good bye. She was gone for nearly a month and when she got back...

He grabbed his hair. He was so angry, with her, with himself, with his life. He need to talk to someone. Meredith was obviously out, if he saw her again he might burn off her eyebrows. The seamstress was long gone and he couldn't bring himself to go to the Grand Cleric. He slammed the book shut and put it back on the shelf.

 **One more Meredith Orsino chapter then there will be a couple Vika chapters then its done TADAH**

 **In reference to the stealer of your title line i read a head canon that i subscribe to that Meredith was probably the previous champion of Kirkwall after her little overthrowing the government thing.**


	15. Chapter 14

"You crossed a line Orsino"

"Just as you have crossed all of them"

"Watch your tongue mage. I will not tolerate your insolence,"

"Leave" Orsino snarled,

"Excuse me?"

"I said leave, I have work to do which every bloody time you throw one of your fits gets more and more tedious."

"Watch your mouth" she snapped as she stalked out of his office.

He slammed his fits on his desk knocking over a bottle of ink. The black streams dripping down the side of his oak desk.

"For fucks sake" he swore. He was furious he clenched his fists, he felt sparks start to jump on his palms. He swung open his office door and demanded the young Templar standing by his door to fetch the Grand Cleric.

"Your Grace thank you for seeing me under such circumstances."

"It is not a problem my child, I hope those young men saw you back gently?"

"As gentle as they could I guess" he sighed "Your Grace about today."

"Orsino I understand your frustration but there has been more and more incidents of blood magic as of late. We can't have malificarum harbouring in the circle or on the streets of the city."

"Your Grace that, woman, makes all of us to be villains. She has gone mad!"

"Orsino, she has been the one keeping this city afloat all these years." he sighed. He thought he could be franker with the Grand Cleric in private but it was failing.

She patted a boney hand on his arm.

"First Enchanter, I understand your frustrations but have confidence it will be best in the end."

There was a long pause and she looked him deep in the eyes.

"Orsino, we have never spoken about your little one." she whispered.

He looked away immediately. He had so many mixed emotions suddenly bubbling to the surface. The most demanding of which being shame. He felt ashamed that he felt shame about his daughter. He scolded himself. What kind of parent is ashamed of their child's existence? No. It wasn't the little blonde girl. It was that stubborn hateful woman he had loved and laid with and conceived that little blonde girl with. That mad blonde woman who was like family to this old woman.

"I've never even held her in my arms" he blurted out without thinking. "She never told me about her for five bloody years. I knew, but five years" he spat. "and the she sent her away without telling me and she won't give her my letters or packages. I don't even know what country my own daughter is in right now. All because of her."

He saw pity in her eyes, not disgust like he expected.

"I can not defend the choices she has made in her private life."

"I take solace in the fact that my daughter is being raised by that seamstress and not by that monster."

"Meredith was never the most maternal person." The Grand Cleric said with a sigh.

"She lied to you." he sputtered.

"Pardon?"

"She lied to your face. It.." he paused "... was not just a one night fling. We were lovers. For nearly ten years." He could see the old woman trying to hide her surprise "From twenty-one to thirty-one and Vika was born in twenty-six."

"Why are you telling me this now First Enchanter?"

"Because I doubt I will live much longer, That woman is set on getting the Rite of Annulment and someone has to know. My daughter will come looking someday and I want her to know that I am her father and..." he was already regretting the words that were going to follow "I want her to know that I loved her mother at the time but it didn't last."

Alas Elthina was not able to pass his message along.

"You can't just do this!" Orsino shouted.

"I can and I will" Meredith shrieked back.

The city was a mess, soot and crumbled remains littered the streets of Hightown.

The Rite of Annulment. He knew it was coming. He was counting down the days until his death at the hands of that woman. That woman he once loved. The mother of his child.

Hawke took his side and defended him and his mages. They started smuggling boat fulls of mages as young as five out of The Gallows. It wasn't enough. He found himself cornered. Maker forgive me.

His last thought before pulling the knife across his wrist was what would daughter think of him.

Meredith thought of nothing but revenge for the Grand Cleric and the sword vibrating at her back. The face of her daughter was long forgotten in her madness. It had been years since she had sent her a letter. Months since she had even passed her mind and even then she was disgusted by the circumstances of the girls birth. Disgusted by herself. Laying with that mage over and over. Bearing his child. She must repent for her sins even if it meant leaving the girl with no father and even without her, but she hadn't needed her since she was a newborn at her breast.

Cullen, loyal to the order, took control after her death. Gathering the remaining forces and marching on the remaining mages. But thanks to the Champion there were few to be found.

News reached Orlais quickly and when Ilya heard the news she held Vika tight. Vika was confused they hadn't lived in Kirkwall in three years why was is so important.

"Shh" Ilya had said "You will understand when you are older."

At ten years old only a year prior Vika had started showing signs of magic. Mortified Ilya hired a tutor on the sly. Money could cover anything up if you had enough of it and Ilya certainly did.

The war started and Ilya wouldn't let Vika out alone. She sent away the tutor, Vika knew enough to keep the demons away and to enchant clothing and jewellery. Which in the end was all that mattered. Stability and god. The stuff that ran the world.

They made mountains of it during the Mage Templar war then the Civil War on top of it. Ilya made contact with the Inquisition and they started supplying them and when Corypheus was defeated Vika then sixteen years old was sent to work at Skyhold.

 **I decided to expand the vika part of the story so it might be three chapters instead of two well see how much content i create**


	16. Chapter 15

Cullen was sitting at his desk looking over reports when he heard a knock at his door.

"Come in" he called and Vika slipped in. "Oh Vika you're back from Val Royeux. How was your trip?"

She sighed and dropped into the chair opposite him

"I went to see my mother. She sent me a letter summoning me home for a 'pressing' matter"

"I hope everything is well with her."

"Shes a stubborn old thing shes never been sick a day in her life. It was concerning me. Or I guess my parentage."

"Oh? Did someone come forward to claim you as their own?"

"No." she paused "You know how you mentioned I looked like someone you once knew when we first met?"

"I do recall,"

"I do for a reason." she stopped again " My birth mother was Knight Commander Meredith Stannard."

Cullen's jaw dropped

"You can't be serious."

"I have legitimization paper from like ten years ago that I can submit to the Grand Cathedral and be posthumously recognized as her daughter."

"Makers breath" Cullen cursed "She always dismissed those rumours as heresy."

"There were rumours?"

"The Knight Commander had a bastard child was whispered every now and then by a disgraced Knight Captain under the influence of cheap ale and The Hanged Man." Cullen said

"Well here I am" Vika gestured to herself.

"Do you know who your father is?"

"No, my mother knows but refused to tell me. Did the rumour mill have a suggested father?"

"Surprisingly no. I'd say it was a young Knight hushed to keep a drunken night of passion a secret. You're how old? Sixteen Seventeen? She was still only in her twenties when you were born. So some... urges were probably still on her mind."

"I'll ask my mother on my next visit to the capital. If it is a Knight would you able to assist me in finding out if hes still alive."

"I will try my damnedest"

"Go legitimize yourself at the Cathedral first and then I will tell you." Ilya said stubbornly.

"But why? Why won't you tell me now?"

"It's a promise I made years ago."

"Blighter"

Vika pushed the door of the Grand Cathedral open and a lay sister directed her to the archive.

"I have a legitimization order." she said slipping the envelope onto the desk of the cleric.

"Knight Commander of Kirkwall's seal?" she nodded "This must be old."

The cleric broke the wax seal and read the letter. Raising a brow at her he said,

"You know what this says right?"

"I know the basics."

"You're sure you want this?"

"It's a dead woman's request who am I to object."

"I will be back" the cleric said. He left for several minutes before coming back with a red haired woman.

"Most Holy" the cleric announced.

"I'm not Andrastian." Vika said ignoring the death stare he was giving her.

"Your mother would be most displeased." Leliana said casually "Georg I believe the paper is legitimate this girl is the very image of the Knight Commander herself."

"Thank you, Most Holy." Vika said as Leliana left

"I am no longer a bastard anymore but I still have no clue who my father is" Vika whined at her mother.

"I guess I could tell you but I warn you, you will not like what I have to say." Ilya said ominously,

"I'm ready for anything."

"Cullen" Vika slurred stumbling into his office the night of her return as he was finishing up for the night.

"Are you drunk?"

"Yeah I have to be."

"What's wrong?" Vika threw herself into a chair.

"When I was a little girl when I lived in Kirkwall this elf used to visit me at my mother stall and give me presents. Simple baubles and things for jewellery at first. Then it was a staff and a rather expensive spyglass. He would stay and watch me make my necklaces and bracelets. I found out when I went to my mothers that he was my father."

"An elf? Who was is? There were no elves in the order."

She stared him dead in the eye. It was the same stare Cullen had seen many times before in a different life.

"First Enchanter Orsino." she announced and raised her fist in the air.

"No, no, no, no" he sputtered "They absolutely hated each other."

"Clearly not sixteen years ago."

"It must have been a one night fling."

"Nope, they were together for ten years according to my mother but I think it was all before your time. They had split up by the time they started to visit me."

"I have seen some things but this is probably up there as one of the most shocking things I've ever heard."

"I win" Vika slurred.

Cullen stood up and led her to her chambers.

"Vika I have something for you" Cullen said summoning her out of the tavern. Vika got up and followed.

She exited the tavern and Cullen handed her a black staff with three serpent like heads on it.

"We aren't sure how Calpernia got a hold of it but it was originally your fathers. I thought you might like to have it."

"Thank you" she said admiring the staff "I had nothing of their but this changes that."


	17. Chapter 16

After the Exalted Council the Inquisition was disbanded leaving Vika with no job. She left for Val Royeux and hoped she could find work as a clothing enchanter. Unfortunately she found it competitive with older circle trained mages getting hired before a noble would bat a lash at eighteen year old Vika.

"Mother I'm going to join the College of Enchanters and learn some real magic" she announced over dinner.

Ilya coughed into her wine.

"Seriously? I spent years keeping you away from the Circle and you're going to join them willingly."

"I have no other option I only know the basics. Twelve year old children in the college know more then I do."

"Do you think it's wise. With who your birth mother was."

"They don't have to know. I've gone my whole life no one knowing."

"You have your fathers staff I'm sure the survivors from Kirkwall would notice."

"He was their First Enchanter he was respected he is the reason they are alive."

Ilya sighed.

"If this is what you want I'll pay your way to Nevarra."

"Thank you Mother."

"And your name is?" A very unenthusiastic older mage man said from the desk at the entrance to the college.

"Uh Vika."

"Uh Vika do you have a last name?"

"Stannard" she whispered. The man sighed,

"Can you repeat that."

"Stannard, s-t-a-n-n-a-r-d." the man looked up at her with wide eyes.

"You might want to keep that to yourself around here." he said scribbling on a piece of parchment.

"Now this is your room, you'll be sharing it with three other girls. Down the hall is the social room and the library is on the third floor" A small elf woman said leading her into the small quarters. "Good luck."

Vika went upstairs to the library and sat in a leather chair with her staff across her lap. She ran her hands through her bangs and sighed.

"Hey you, blondie" she looked up "Where'd you get that staff?"

It was a young man who looked mid to late twenties at the main table.

"I..uh,, I got it when I worked with the Inquisition. It belonged to my father."

"Your father!" The man yelled roaring with laughter "Old Orsino was your father! For real? I never thought he had it in him."

"You're from Kirkwall I take it."

"Yeah me and about a dozen of us were smuggled out by senior enchanters when we were only kids. Where were you from?"

"I was born in Ostwick, I lived in Kirkwall when I was a child, then we moved to Orlais."

"So you're from an Orlesian Circle?"

"Uh no I never joined a Circle ." The man frowned and stopped talking to her.

A skinny boy no older then twenty with curly brown hair sat down next to her.

"Jamin" he outstretched his hand.

"Vika." she said taking it.

"They look down on former apostates." he said.

"Are you one too?"

"No I'm from the Ferelden Circle."

Vika and Jamin hit it off right away and spent the rest of the night chatting. Vika said goodnight leaving Jamin to his book and went to her quarters.

She had just started to doze off when she felt someone grab her wrists and press something soft forcefully over her face. She tried to scream but the pillow muffle it. She kicked her legs hitting one of her attackers with a groan. She summoned fire from her hands and whoever was holding her wrists let go. They let go of the pillow and ran out of the small quarters.

Jamin poked his head around the corner into the quarters.

"What were they doing in here?"

"Trying to smother me in my sleep apparently,"

"What?!" Jamin was aghast and stormed after them.

He came back several minutes later.

"I reported them to the higher ups but they said they're trying to rid of you because you had evil blood?"

"My father" she sighed "He was First Enchanter Orsino, you must know her turned to blood magic out of desperation betraying the mages he was in charge of."

"That's not reason to try to kill you, you probably never even met the man . They don't let mages raise their own children."

"I met him briefly when I was a child but my mother raised me by herself."

"Who was your mother? Was she a mage too?"

"The woman who gave birth to me was no one of consequence. I was raised by a Rivaini seamstress with my two adoptive brothers."

"Did you ever meet your birth mother ?"

"Yes it was an awkward meeting" she didn't go into further detail.

He invited her to his bed and they slept side by side that night. Avoiding touching each other and apologizing for every brief contact.

She stayed a week short of three months before leaving. She was friendless minus Jamin who had quickly become her lover. She missed Orlais, she missed Ilya. She missed the Inquisition and most of all she missed money.

"Money?" Jamin asked confused.

"Gold, silver, copper. I always had tons of it I could buy whatever I wanted. I had all the dolls, all the finest dresses. The best perfume,"

"Are you sure your not Orlesian?" Jamin asked. Vika laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Lets leave, together, I want to visit a friend in Ostwick."

"Your birth mother?"

"She's long dead" she quickly changed the subject "No Commander Cullen from the Inquisition. He and the Inquisitor live in Ostwick. I'll see if he can help me find a job."

"Maybe people will stop trying to hurt you if we leave."

He was referencing not only the time when she was nearly suffocated but also when someone lit her cloak on fire and when a bookcase happened to fall an inch shy of her person. Knocked over by two Kirkwall mages, coincidence certainly.

"Darling I have something to tell you" Vika said as they waited at the door to Cullen's house. "Its about my mother:

"You said she was no one."

"I lied."

"Who...?"

"May I help you?" An elven servant answered the door.

"Hello, my name is Vika Stannard I wrote Ser Rutherford about a visit several weeks ago."

"Oh yes of course he mentioned he was expecting a guest. I will take you to the sitting room."

Vika avoided Jamin's eye as they were lead to the sitting room. The servant left them alone and Jamin's head nearly exploded.

"Stannard?!" he nearly shouted "I hope that is just a sick coincidence."

"No"

"Makers breath. That ...monster...you...you... came out of that!"

"A very eloquent way of phrasing it."

"How? Who? What? " He sputtered

"There was a long standing affair between my parents. I was smuggled away when I was two months old and adopted by Ilya two months after that."

Jamin's eyes were bulging out of his face when Cullen walked in.

"Vika!" he shooked her hand enthusitically.

"Commander" she smiled "This is my man Jamin, excuse his state I just told him who my mother was," Cullen chuckled.

"I had a smiliar reaction myself."

"He knows?" Jamin said.

"I was Meredith's second in command for six years I was partial to some things but nothing of this extent I learned after the fact. There was a rumour started by a dismissed Knight Captain but she did nothing but deny it."

"Maker" Jamin muttered.

"Cullen I'm here to see if you or her grace needed a personal enchanter or knew of someone who does. I can also make a damn fine dress."

"I'm sure I can arrange something for you."

"Are we still going to get married now that you know I was birthed by a monster?" Vika whispered in Jamin's ear that night in the guest room of the Inquisitors house.

"I still love you but why didn't you tell me right away?"

"You saw the reaction to my father who was a mage. I wouldn't have liked to have seen what they would have done if they knew about my mother the Templar. I like to think I would've been stabbed in about five seconds."

"Most likely. I will gladly still marry you ill begotten mage bastard."


	18. Chapter 17

"I have a job for you Vika" Cullen said as she embroidered a dress in the ramshackle stall she had set up outside the Inquisitor and Cullen's modest manor.

"Please anything will be better then here. I can't stand the smell of the Free Marches."

"Well, this is also in the Free Marches unfortunately." she sighed.

"Where?"

"Kirkwall" she raised a brow

"It better pay well for me to go back there."

"I'm sure Viscount Tethras will pay you well, he knows of you from the inquisition."

"Is he needing a new suit or something?"

"Exactly that, it's not a long job but you could go back to Orlais with his recommendation."

"That would be nice."

She left the following week leaving Jamin at the medical clinic he had set up and travelled down the coast.

When she saw the chains she shuddered. It had been more then ten years since she had been here and last time she didn't know about her ties to the place.

They let the passengers out at the docks and Vika snuck her way into the Gallows.

There it was, the petrified corpse of her mother just sitting there out in the open. She walked right up to it and reached her hand out to touch it. Goose bumps covered her arms.

"You! Girl! Don't touch that." a harsh male voice yelled at her from across the courtyard.

She turned and saw a middle aged city guard running towards her. She turned to run but he caught her and grabbed her arm.

"Who do you think you are coming here?" he shook her and the hood of her cloak fell off her face,

She glared at him with her striking blue eyes and he let go of her in an instant.

"Witch, you must be a witch. She's dead I saw her die myself, she's right there but who... who are you?"

"Just a girl passing through" she said turning and leaving the Gallows.

Varric greeted her with open arms.

"I remember seeing you sewing in Heralds Rest but we have never spoken, we are obviously going to change that"

"Yes sir"

"Now I like jackets and the colour red."

"You look familiar spider." Varric's nickname for her

"You lived in the Hanged Man did you not? Did you ever hear a rumour about Knight Commander Meredith?"

"There was plenty mostly about how she was stark raving mad. Why do you bring this up she was before your time."

I... was her time."

"What do you mean?"

"She was my mother, my birth mother. She obviously didn't raise me I would be probably be dead if she did."

"Maker I remember that rumour. Risa insisted that she had had a secret love child but it was hushed up of course. Yet here you are with that face,"

"Everyone likes to mention the face yet never give an opinion on it. I know she was a monster but is it a pretty face or am I cursed with an ill gotten monster face."

Varric laughed,

"You're funny, must take after your father. But I guess she was a handsome woman in a mad kind of way, I remember seeing her when she was younger and she was rather attractive for a human."

"The only person whose ever told me I was good looking was my mother and mothers like to lie to appease their children's confidence."

"Was your adoptive mother from the Free Marches?"

"Rivaini but hadn't lived there in years she ran off with a young man from the Anderfels when she was very young. He died a few months before I was born so I've never really had a father."

"Who was your father? First Enchanter Orsino?" he said obviously in jest.

"Well, yeah."

"You must be joking?"

"No she told my mother when we lived in Kirkwall. She wrote me letters but she never mentioned him by name but the context makes it obvious."

"He bedded the Knight Commander, Maker I never thought he had it in him."

"Probably close to a hundred times. They were lovers for a long time and were never caught. Only two people outside of them knew about me, my mother and the Grand Cleric the one that was killed when the Chantry blew up."

"The Grand Cleric knew about you? Maker I'm surprised they didn't use that against Orsino later into the power struggle."

"It would've been more of a stain on her. Fucking the elven mage, real controversial."

"Do you have these letters?"

"I do actually they're in my trunk. Did you want to write about this?" she smiled seeing him spinning a dramatic tale.

"I'll only write it if your okay with it. I don't want to out you and have assassins from both sides trying to kill you."

"I was already at the College of Enchanters. They tried to smother me and crush me and oh they lit me on fire. Just from knowing who my father was. My betrothed is a powerful mage much stronger then I. He could protect me if such a thing were to happen." She brushed her bangs off her forehead "You're free to write away just if someone pry's tell them I died in the service of the Inquisition or something noble. I want to have children and they don't need to run from delusional Templar's and spited mages."

Varric smiled from ear to ear.

"I just have one request."

"Anything."

"My father still has family, alive, as of eight years ago. A mother and three sisters I head they were in Ansburg could you see if they're still alive."

"I will, gladly"

"Excuse me, sir do you know a Jules, is she still alive? She has three daughters and a son that was taken to the Circle as a child, she would be in her eighties"

"Bugger off shem" the man dismissed and she went to the next stall

"Excuse me ma'am do you know if Jules is still alive?" dismissed again.

"Hey kid" Vika was desperate "I'll give you three sovereigns if you tell me if Jules is still alive. Shes really old and had four children one was a mage"

The little girls eyes shone.

"Of course old lady Jules lives in that green house on the corner. Well its her daughters house she is like you said, really really old."

"Thanks kid" she said giving her the gold.

She stood outside the door of the green house and paused before knocking once. No answer. She knocked again. She heard someone yell,

"One minute!" then there was a bang and the door opened. An elf woman in her late fifties answered the door.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Vika, does Jules live here?"

"Yes, why are you looking her her?"

"I need to talk to her about her son."

"Oh Maker, it took seven years but they've finally come to harass us."

She started closing the door.

"No, wait. I'm not with anybody like any group. I'm just me. I'm...I'm... Orsino's daughter." she whispered that last word.

The woman grabbed her by the collar and dragged her into the small home.

"I'm only giving you a second because you have my grandmothers name that can't be a coincidence."

"Your grandmothers name was Vika?"

"She died shortly after Orsino was taken to the Circle. She lived wit us. He always said if he was to ever have a daughter he would name her Vika."

"He must've mentioned this to my mother as he wasn't present at my birth."

"Was your mother a mage too?"

"No she was... not important."

"My mother would like to see you if you are who you say you are."

She led her to a small room with a straw bed crammed into it where an elderly elf lay knitting with her eyes closed.

"Katarina, who is with you?"

"A girl mother, she says she Orsino's daughter."

"Let me see her."

Vika stepped over to the side of the bed and she examined her with squinting green eyes.

"Smile child" Vika smiled, "You have his smile, but the shem part of you takes over."

"I'm told I look like my mother."

"I wouldn't know what a human version of my son would look like. I never even saw him as a grown man." she mused. "Why have you come after all these years?"

"This is my first time in the Free Marches since I was only a little girl. I had someone look into you and see if you were still alive."

"I'm dying so it's a good thing you came to me now."

"Mother you've been saying you're dying for ten years." Katarina said,

"But it's true I've been slowly dying for ten years." the old lady croaked "What is your name child I never thought to ask."

"Vika Stannard."

"Ah my mothers name, he thought to honour her. What is Stannard? Your husbands name? Orsino had no name to give you."

"My mothers name."

"Your mother, was she a whore?"

"No she was a Templar" Vika said waiting for the woman's reaction.

"A Templar eh? Were mages not good enough for him, he has to risk getting himself in trouble? Well he did get himself in trouble. Did the Chantry take you away?"

"My mother left me at a Chantry but I wasn't taken at birth."

The old lady reached out and held Vika's face in her hand brushing her cheek with her soft but boney thumb.

"I'm glad you came but it isn't safe for you to stay here long. You're a shem and a mage on top of it someone will see you as a threat."

"It was nice meeting you, It's nice knowing that I do have surviving family out there. I will write now that I know where you live."

"Please do, your my youngest grandchild and you could make me a great grandmother again if you hurry," she laughed a dry cracking laugh.

"Marry me right now" Vika insisted after she dragged Jamin to Val Royeux.

"Where? In a Chantry? Your not Andrastian."

"A Chantry will do if it pleases you."

"Okay."

 **Well that's all folks I know the ending kind of sucks but I didn't know how much to go into detail about Vika's life**

 **Please review if you like it**


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